Hold On For the Ride: Settling in to Guangzhou

It’s pouring here in Guangzhou as we sit in our hotel room waiting out another monsoon. My heart is a layered mess this afternoon, sorting through all the things my mind is thinking, trying to prepare for what we have ahead. We arrived at the Guangzhou East train station just as the rain started to pour, and thank goodness Sarah, our guide, was waiting for us with her gentle demeanor and her smile. It was quite a chance traveling from vibrant Hong Kong to Mainland China, which really reflects the Communist regime that has been in power here for more than half a century.

The city streets are dirty and busy, full of people, little shops (like in Hong Kong), cars (although here they drive on the right side of the street as opposed to Hong Kong, where they were on the left) and this tropical landscape. Our turn onto Shamian Island was a welcome relief to the bustle of the downtown area, and here, true to form, are tree-lined streets, parks, old buildings, and a slower pace.

Our hotel is OLD—with high ceilings trimmed in ornate molding, large leaded-glass doors that lead out onto a large tiled patio (very French/British in feel) and a bathroom with sliding mirrored doors that either close to create a separate bathroom area or open, making the bathroom part of the larger hotel room. We have a large, free-standing bathtub, separate shower, large refrigerator and counter area for food and making coffee/tea, a king-sized bed, and a light blue metal crib on rollers for Matthew.

Of course I got straight to work making this little space feel like home, as we’ll be here for the next 11 nights. First thing, I unloaded Matthew’s suitcase. I used the wicker laundry basket as a toy bin for the toys we brought and cheerfully arranged the books, rings, blocks, Little People, and wooden cars (thanks, Bapa!). In Matthew’s crib, I put soft books and his stuffed doggie, and I hung two blankets on the side—one is the “silkie” I made for him that matches the one we sent. The other is a fleece blanket with bright-colored dots that was one of Sam’s favorites.

Then I set up a food-eating area with bottles and snacks for Matthew, hung my clothes up in the closet, lined my shoes under the bench, and found a good corner for Aaron’s suitcase. It’s not 1001 Rucker, but it feels a little bit like home to me.

It’s funny because even though this is new space, I already have a sense that we’ll be quite sentimental about our little room (8312) here in the west building of the Victory Hotel—and when we leave in 11 days, we’ll feel like we’re leaving part of us behind.

When we got to the hotel, we saw another adoptive family standing outside. They had a little boy in a front pack, sound asleep—I think he also had a cleft lip and palate. By the sound of their English, I think they must be from somewhere in the South. I greeted them, commented on how cute their son is, and told them we are meeting our son tomorrow. They replied warmly with congratulations and “best of luck.” It’s really nice for us to see other families here doing what we are doing. It makes us feel slightly less crazy than we might otherwise.

I have to admit that tonight I’m on the verge of tears in anticipation of what awaits us tomorrow. We found out from Sarah, our guide, that we meet Matthew at 2:30 p.m. tomorrow. For those of you on the west coast, that’s 11:30 Sunday night for you. So when you wake up Monday morning, we’ll be sound asleep with our boy in our room.

I don’t know how to feel, exactly. It’s all kind of overwhelming, but it’s also just as I imagined it. WACAP has prepared us well and supported us along the way, and we’re so grateful for each other and for Sarah, our guide, who will help us navigate this complicated process of Chinese adoption here in China. Some moments I want to burst into tears, pack up my suitcase, and get on the next flight home. But then I think of our son, waiting for us, for a lifetime with us, and I think of all that my heart has done to prepare for this moment. I know we are strong enough to show up tomorrow and take that boy in our arms.

In some ways, this feels like labor: I remember being scared, anxious, worried, and excited at the end of my pregnancies with Maya and with Sam. I had no idea what to expect—didn’t know if it would hurt or make me sad or scared . . . or how it would all turn out. I admit to you honestly that I feel the same way here tonight. Home feels farther away than it ever has before, and what we are about to face feels in some ways insurmountable.

But then I think about Matthew—about the transition that is ahead of him—and I take a deep breath and KNOW that I have to do this well, if only for him. He needs me and Aaron to be brave and loving—he needs us to be kind and intentional with him. We will get through this together, come hell or high water, and we will live it as best as we can, if only for Matthew’s sake.

So PLEASE pray and think about us tonight (Sunday) as you go to bed. We need all those American wishes sent across the vast Pacific Ocean to surround us here tomorrow as we get up, spend some quiet hours together in the morning, then hop in the van with Sarah to go meet our SON!!!!

One logistical thing: My regular email is NOT working here in China (nor is Facebook or any of my blogs). So please use my hotmail email address to contact me from here on out. It is annemarie_russell@hotmail.com. It seems like I can forward any new messages from my regular email to my hotmail account, so I will get to them eventually, but if you want to reach me directly, please send stuff to my hotmail account. Kaitlin and Megan, the messages you sent me that I got today, I was able to email. Amy H., I got your message before we left Hong Kong.

Thank you all for your emails and your love. We REALLY appreciate hearing from you. And don’t worry about making any comments on the blog because we won’t be able to read them until we get home. If you want to reach us, please email!!