Confidence

It seems like I’m always looking back a year, marking how far we’ve come by the distance 12 months gives us. It’s September and we’re back to school and back into the routines of work and school—and as a result, I’ve been thinking a lot about last September, especially where Matthew was developmentally and how far he’s come.

One thing I’m aware of these days is the how confident I feel parenting him. One difference that I can clearly articulate between my biological babies and this adopted one is how comfortable I felt at first as parent to my child. With my first two, they were newborn when they landed in my arms, and I was a new parent.

Especially with my first one, we learned together. By the time she was 18 months, I had figured her out.

With my second baby, he also started from infancy and perhaps I felt even more prepared because I had already figured out how to be mama to his big sister. Parenting came naturally—soothing, feeding, caring for a little person.

But with Matthew things were different, because he had already lived 18 months of life on his own before they put him in my arms. For the past 15 months, I’ve had to not only learn the patterns and habits of this little boy, but also try to understand how to comfort him and wind him down.

So after all this time, I’m so grateful to feel confidence in my ability to meet his needs, soothe him, and care for him well.

At our house we continue to feel somewhat overwhelmed by Matthew’s delays in language, but we’re overcoming those in important ways too. Having a child who doesn’t talk as a two-year old has been a new experience for me, but I’ve learned to rely heavily on body language and signing, which thankfully Matthew does with some competence. His growth, while slow, is happening and it’s wonderful to watch.

Matthew turns three on November 28, and the following Monday he is eligible to start at a developmental preschool in the school district where we live. He’ll be bussed there, as it’s not our neighborhood school, which is two blocks away. Instead it’s the next school over, less than a mile from our house, and we hear that it’s an amazing program.

I’m so excited for him to spend his mornings in a rich, nurturing environment that is geared specifically for children who have language delays. Based on the babbling and vocalizing that Matthew does, I know that he WANTS dearly to communicate with us using words. He’s just struggling to figure out how.

So we still have a long way to go around here, but each little step—each new step that leads to confidence and assurance—helps this mama know and believe that we’re moving forward with our boy.

And especially when you’re a mama, it’s good to know that when a boy cries, you can take him in your arms, press him against your chest, hum a familiar song, and feel his breathing slow and his body relax. It’s good to know that a boy finds comfort in your arms.