Loss + Goodness

I just finished writing a blog post about all the losses I’m feeling in our life right now, but I’ve decided not to post it. There are just some things that don’t belong in the public sphere, and the deep discouragement in my heart today isn’t the right message to be sharing on our blog, at least not at this moment.

I advocate for honesty, and I have pledged to tell the truth in my words. But it’s also okay to carry some things deep in my heart, and to keep them private where they belong.

Let’s face it: sometimes adoptive mamas get discouraged by all the losses our children face—our families face—and in truth, we face—but that is part of living and parenting and loving a child.

So instead, tonight, I feel like telling you about this amazing little boy in our lives and all the wonderful things he is doing, plus some things we wish for him to learn. Here’s a list of the GOODNESS that I see every day in our amazing boy:

He can now sign: more, all done, milk, ball, book, shoes, help, no, eat.

We are teaching him to sign: Mama, Dada, Maya, Sam, socks.

He can do the motions (although inconsistently) to: The Wheels on the Bus, Open and Shut Them, The Itsy Bitsy Spider.

He responds to these statements: “Want to take a bath?” “Do you want a bottle?” “Do you want to eat?” “Go get a book and let’s read.” “Go put your shoes on.” “Want to go outside?”

With his body, he can: throw a ball, kick a ball, climb the ladder to the playhouse, sit on his sister’s lap and swing on the swing or go down the slide, run through the sprinkler, move the sprinkler, toss the sprinkler, sit on the sprinkler, hold a hand and walk several blocks, run down the sidewalk, climb up and down the stairs.

He LOVES looking at books together.

His favorite toys to carry around: the plastic horse, Tigger, matchbox cars, small balls.

Things he’s NOT supposed to do but does anyhow: climbs up on the coffee table, opens the dishwasher while it’s running, throws things down the stairs, stands on the dining room chairs, pulls the wooden vents out of the floor and drops toys down the vent shafts, plays with the television remote control, surfs on the rocking chair.

The things he does that warm my mama heart: Wanting to be picked up ALL the time by me, readhing for me when he’s in someone else’s arms, sitting in my lap even after he’s finished his bottle just sucking his thumb and snuggling, jumping on top of me (or his dad or brother or sister) anytime we are lying on the floor.

My wishes for him this summer: Learn to self-feed with finger foods, start making “placeholder sounds” for words (like “woof” for dog or “vroom” for car), learn to put on his own pants and shirt.

When the losses abound, it’s helpful for this mama to step back and think about all the amazing steps our little boy has made in the past year. From a baby who couldn’t walk or sit up, who didn’t know how to play with toys or interact with others or even make eye contact, to this amazing, lively, happy little boy who is working hard every day to catch up and learn, this child we have is a miracle—in the world and in our lives.

Some days it’s right to take pause and feel the losses deeply.

But some nights, as the sun is setting and the house is quiet, the right thing for an adoptive mama to do is to sit quietly and feel the fullness in her heart of the blessings that come in loving and parenting such a boy as Matthew.