Happy Fourth Birthday Matthew

Glinda:

I've heard it said,

That people come into our lives

For a reason

Bringing something we must learn.

And we are led to those

Who help us most to grow if we let them.

And we help them in return.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better

But because I knew you.

I have been changed for good.

Elphaba:

So much of me

Is made of what I learned from you.

You'll be with me

Like a handprint on my heart.

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you'll have rewritten mine

I woke up this morning thinking about the song “For Good” from the Broadway musical Wicked. After a long, rather complicated friendship, the two main characters, Elphaba (the wicked witch) and Glinda (the “good” witch) sing this song as they part.

These words often ring throughout my head in this season of loving and caring for Matthew.

Today Matthew is four years old. Three years ago tonight we received the call from our social worker “matching” us to this little boy, Xu Bo, in southern China. It was his first birthday. We drove home from dinner, lit a candle, and sang happy birthday to a little boy halfway across the world. At that point we weren’t even sure that we were definitely saying YES to his referral, but we all decided that no matter if he was our boy or not, we could show our love for this little person by celebrating his birthday with him. Of course he DID become our boy, and I’ve always been grateful for that night—for that act of trust and love. Because now I can tell him that we celebrated every one of his birthdays with him (except, of course, for his very first “birth” day).

As the years go on (and it’s been three of them—kind of hard to believe), that first birthday seems a long time ago. The road has been winding since then, and as you know, it hasn’t always been easy. But this morning when I woke up singing “For Good,” a line from that song brought tears to my eyes:

“And we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them.”

This little, amazing four-year old boy in our house has grown so much since he came home to our family. But I think we all have grown as much as he has. Matthew has taught us about letting go—about loving someone despite their challenges—about celebrating the small milestones, about not measuring each other by the “norms” or “standards” but by celebrating each person’s growth where they are. We’ve learned patience, kindness, and most of all, we’ve learned to let go and trust—in God, in our own abilities, in our community, and in Matthew.

These things have changed us for good.

Happy Birthday wonderful Matthew Oscar Xu-Bo Russell. I am grateful for the “handprint on my heart” that you’ve left, as Elphaba sings in her song, and also for the way you have re-written our story to make it this beautiful, colorful, tightly woven journey of love and grace and joy.