Just the Opposite

We’re doing things in the opposite way around here these days. When you bring home an 18-month old baby to new parents and a new family, it seems like you spend most of your time trying to turn the toddler back into a baby.

It’s actually going well, honestly, although it’s quite a change in thinking. For instance, instead of holding his own bottle, we want Matthew to learn to let US hold the bottle for him. This helps him trust us, know that we will take care of him, and create attachment. We also rock him to sleep at both naptime and bedtime. By 19 months, both Maya and Sam were well on their way to putting themselves to sleep. We’d lay them somewhat awake in their cribs and they would fall asleep after they were down. This was something we did to try and help build a little bit of independence on their part, especially once they were past the infant stage.

But with Matthew, who didn’t have an infant stage with us (or with any “parent,” for that matter), we are doing things backwards, trying to help him be the baby he never got to be before growing up into a toddler.

This means when he’s hungry, we feed him. When he cries, we pick him up (immediately). When he’s awake, we get him up out of his crib. I have such a mixed relationship with his crib, knowing how many hours a day (possibly up to 20 hours) he spent in his crib while in the orphanage.

Some days Aaron and I feel joy and frustration in the same moment—like when Matthew learned how to unplug the wireless router. We were frustrated because he was getting into something he shouldn’t be touching, but in the same moment we were filled with joy because he was doing something that was developmentally appropriate for his age. Each milestone, even when it makes us roll our eyes, also delights us in ways we didn’t expect.

And I can’t speak for Aaron, but I have to admit that I find I have a deep well of patience and energy for Matthew. Any time he gets fussy, or when bedtime takes an hour longer than I was expecting, I just think about all early months of his life that we were not part of, and I feel a strong sense that we are re-writing those months somehow, reclaiming some of the time we missed. Any chance for a hug or some time in the rocking chair brings me joy and helps attach this amazing little boy more closely to us.

He’s changing so much—and learning something new every day. He continues his exploration of the world around him while standing on his legs. He’s not walking yet, but he pulls himself up and “cruises” from one place to another. He’s also making so many sounds with his voice, trying to communicate with us or at least join all the chatter he hears around him. He’s still only drinking from a bottle, which is definitely a source of frustration for me, but we are getting good support from a nutritionist at Seattle Children’s Hospital, which has helped a lot. He’s sleeping now in his shared room with Sam, at least during the night, and he has actually been quite a good sleeper too, which is a wonderful blessing for two already-tired parents.

Life is simple now, but we are still doing some of our fun normal activities. Yesterday Maya and I went and picked strawberries, and I made four beautiful batches of jam. Yum! We are enjoying hanging out with friends and spending time with family. And we even braved church for the first time this morning, although I spent the sermon walking around with Matthew in the foyer of the sanctuary.

So life goes on . . . with all its challenges and joys. And we are ever grateful.

And here are some photos:

Eating time

Taking a walk with Dad

Sam's birthday

Maya's ballet recital--with Grandma (Aaron's mom) and Aunt Chrisy (Aaron's sister)

He's all smiles

Cutie boy

Maya's field day butterfly face painting

Some of our homemade strawberry jam