Family Photos

These are a series of photos we had taken by my friend Christi (who also took the black and whites of Matthew back in the fall). If you got our Christmas card, you've seen some of these already--but I've been wanting to share them on the blog.

What's most amazing to me about these pictures is that when I look at my three kids now, they look like they belong together. I didn't feel that way on June 7 when we arrived home from China with Matthew. It's taken time for our family of five to knit together, but now these are my three beautiful children who all belong to me and to each other. I've always known (from experience!) that family is made, not born. But to watch this happen in my own home with my own children is a gift I can't put words to.

I'm grateful for the sense of completion I feel when I look at our family. We're all together, finally, and I'm one thankful mama.

December in Photos

Instead of detailing the adventures of the past month, I thought I'd let the pictures tell their own stories. Enjoy!

Going to see the Wizard of Oz at Seattle Children's Theater

Matthew all bundled up for his first Christmas tree-cutting experience.

The big kids loved pulling the cart out to find the tree.

Sweet Samuel

And here it is--our perfect tree.

All decorated, with the angel on top

Maya posing after her Nutcracker performance

Maya's holiday concert--can you find our girl?

The annual stuffed-animal Christmas pageant (narrated by Bapa)

Matthew exploring his world

Matthew's first Idaho snow walk

Aaron and his little sister

Still getting used to the snow . . .

Sam loved sledding

A very cute Maya smile

All three of our kids in the snow

Maya giving her brothers a sled ride

Sledding duo

Grandpa gives Matthew a push on the snow

Whee . . . there he goes.

And now he's getting the hang of it.

Sweet boy.

Opening presents on Christmas morning.

The Healing Continues

Well, I have to admit this isn’t the easiest season of our lives, what with broken sleep and a crabby two-year old, but we are surviving, and with each day Matthew’s mouth heals more and more.

We are starting to let Matthew have his hands out of the mitts more during the day, especially if we are around to watch him. He’s pretty reluctant to put his fingers in his mouth, which is good, and if we keep an eye on him, it seems kindest to let him move around unencumbered. But of course, when he goes down for a nap or to bed, or when he’s in the car seat or stroller, we put the mitts back on, and these days we also have to use safety pins so he doesn’t weasel his hands out of them.

We are so thankful for the meals being brought in by friends, and for the calls and extra help. We really need it—I can’t tell you how much we need it. Both Aaron and I are back to our normal routines in some ways, but we remarked to each other tonight that when we’re home, we are expending A LOT of energy being parents. It seems to leave very little time for anything else.

I’ll be so glad when Matthew doesn’t need medicine in the middle of the night any longer—when I can go to sleep and wake up in the morning, refreshed. Right now sleep is precious and hard to come by. So we’re taking more deep breaths, being extra kind to ourselves and each other, and trusting that our relatively normal existence will return at some point.

As a side note, Maya and Sam are both being so patient and gracious with this whole process. They continue to shower their littlest brother with kisses and hugs, and they put up kindly with his grumpier-than-normal temperament. I can’t imagine a better big sister and brother.

Here are a few photos for you to enjoy. A couple of them are from a month or two ago—I just think they are very cute shots of Matthew that show his personality. The others are from the past two days. Nothing new—just regular life around here. I can’t wait until things really do feel normal again.

A sweet shot of Matthew's little body and serious face

Here you can really see how nicely his lip repair was done

Exploring and playing at the coffee table--one of his favorite spots in our house (and YES, that is a German beer coaster!)

This one's for Auntie Kaitlin--Matthew LOVES his new down jacket. Thanks!

Maya being the great big sister that she is!

I know I shouldn't have taken this, but I just HAD TO!

Dreadful, dreadful mitts

Let me start by saying it feels SO GOOD to be home. I can’t believe how well Matthew is doing since we got back to our house. It’s like he clicked into his old self, and he has energy and he’s not very fussy at all. I suppose I shouldn’t be honest about this, since I have some friends whose own kids have gone through cleft palate repair, and sometimes the recovery can be a little brutal. But at this point in the game, everything is going very well for us.

The hardest thing is that Matthew is supposed to be wearing these mitts to keep his hands covered so he doesn’t put them in his mouth. Most of you know that he’s a thumb sucker—our boy LOVES his thumb, especially as a source of comfort. So keeping the mitts on most of the time is very important. We are allowed to take them off when he’s playing and we’re close by supervising, so much of today I’ve been by Matthew’s side, watching his hands so they stay out of his mouth.

But somehow in the last 24 hours, he’s figured out how to jimmy them off his hands. No matter what I do—no matter how hard I Velcro them or whether I put them inside or outside his sleeves—he gets them off. He just shakes his hands really hard, and eventually they slide right off. Grrr.

So now I’m using safety pins to secure them to his shirt. That makes him even more mad, because try as he might, he can’t shake them free. He stands there shaking and shaking to no avail, poor little guy.

Dear me. I have to say, even though this is a big hassle for us, it’s SO worth it to keep his hands out of his mouth. If for some reason he punctured the top of his mouth, it might mean emergency surgery for us (back at Children’s) or a lot of pain or an open palate for Matthew. In my mind, it’s not worth the risk.

So the battle of the mitts goes on at our house—and although I wouldn’t say I’m a willing knight in the battle, I am doing my mama part to make sure Matthew’s newly intact palate stays safe.

The best news of the day, though, is just that our boy’s sweet disposition has returned. He ran around the house for about an hour today giggling and laughing at himself (mitts and all). It was such a joy to see. He’s taking his regular bottles, tolerating the pain medicine, napping/sleeping well, and being generally cheerful and normal.

We are grateful.

Here are a few shots of Matthew from today. If you know him at all, you can see that the spark has returned to his eyes. We have survived palate repair and are on the other side. Phew!

Just before leaving the hospital last night.

A moment of freedom with his hands!

Lots of drools (and check out the shirt--it used to be my dad's!!!)

The dreaded MITTS, abandoned for a moment of free-hand play

And that's an "almost smile." He's totally happy to play with his hands.

Five Ounces Twice!!!

This is an empty bottle. Matthew's just had 5 ounces TWO TIMES. The nurse is working on our discharge papers now. Yee haw! I am so glad he's finally eating. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers today.

A Whole New World (in his mouth)

It’s Thursday and we’re still here at the hospital. I had hoped that by noon today, I’d be able to type the glorious words “we’re going home soon,” but at this point I’m not sure when I’ll be able to say that.

Matthew is actually doing really well in general. We are still playing around with his medications, trying to keep him comfortable without making him really drugged or irritating his stomach. The craniofacial nurse practitioner (Bay) is coming in a bit to take a look at the inside of his mouth, but we anticipate that things are healing just fine in there.

So the only reason we’re still at the hospital is that Matthew is still on his food strike. I think he might be moving closer to tolerating food. He took about 2 ounces from the bottle this morning before pushing it away. He’s definitely progressing towards being his normal “good-eater” self. But until he can actually eat some food and work it through his system, the doctors are too worried about dehydration to let us go home.

The ironic thing, from my mama perspective, is that I think Matthew would likely be wiling to eat at home. We could sit in our normal chair so he could have a bottle, or I could put him in a high chair and the table and feed him solids like we usually do. But I do yield to the wisdom of the medical staff here, so we’ll just keep trying and hope for the best.

I have to admit that I’m really weary of the hospital right now. I hit a low point this morning feeling discouraged and frustrated. Fortunately my dad is here, so I got in the car and left the hospital for about an hour. It felt so nice to walk around University Village like a normal person—I could pretend, for 45 minutes, that I was just out doing some holiday shopping with the rest of the normal people at the mall. I also went to the grocery store and bought some food that sounded good to me. So now I’m back in the hospital room again, and it was actually nice to get that break.

I do keep thinking that part of what must be happening for my boy is that he’s adjusting to his new mouth. The top back of his mouth was totally open until Tuesday, when he woke up to find it closed. I’m sure it’s sore, and I’m also sure it must feel strange. Everything is different: swallowing, eating, moving his tongue around. And since he can’t communicate verbally with us, it’s not something we can talk about with him.

So I’m guessing he’s probably confused and trying to work with his newfound mouth—and we’re here in this strange space, and he has his hands in those darn mitts too. No wonder the kid doesn’t want to eat.

I’m trying to be patient—to remember that this is a small window of time that will seem like nothing when we look back on it. He will eat eventually. We will go home. In the mean time, I’m mustering up all the patience I have to see this day through.

Keep those eating cheers coming (Alyson, I loved your text last night). We’re doing the same. And let’s hope that soon I can update again and say we get to go home.

And lastly, I was thinking this morning just how much Matthew has changed and grown since he joined our family. Someone a few days ago (I think it was Erik) told me they hardly remembered Matthew with his cleft lip. It’s amazing how time flies, especially when we are busy parenting kids. I thought I’d include a couple photos of the “peanut” Matthew with his sweet cleft lip and his bald head just to remind you AND me of how many challenges we’ve already made it through!

Playing at my aunt's house in July.

Hanging onto the fridge BEFORE he learned to walk.

He's always loved that panda bear!

And here he is last Saturday night--such a big boy--walking, so skilled, and with more hair!