tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7835086446286283532024-03-13T03:06:45.872-07:00Hold On For the RideStories from the front lines: One family's journey of adoption and special-needs parentingAnnemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.comBlogger224125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-22365045702508815872017-05-28T09:50:00.003-07:002017-05-28T11:38:57.615-07:00Five Years Ago Today<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Five years ago today, a beautiful little 18-month-old baby
was put into my arms, and nothing about my life has been the same since.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhelc4d6GiGFiknq6Wh94MNLlIEPmKOdckJ43ZU2pmG_DybjVtqAwmiw15izyh1jHg2us3HYfyQZqr7zvIo2W09EOMvkiz4t2rUWE263Dv-5pHTldJxJ4Rpfi1JqiIv9i5G3Jfxzudep2t4/s1600/IMG_4173.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="864" data-original-width="864" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhelc4d6GiGFiknq6Wh94MNLlIEPmKOdckJ43ZU2pmG_DybjVtqAwmiw15izyh1jHg2us3HYfyQZqr7zvIo2W09EOMvkiz4t2rUWE263Dv-5pHTldJxJ4Rpfi1JqiIv9i5G3Jfxzudep2t4/s640/IMG_4173.JPG" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Some people in the adoption community call this “Gotcha
Day,” the day when a family can say, “I’ve finally gotcha” to a child they have
been waiting for. I realize that some folks in the adoption community have
expressed sentiments in recent years about why the term Gotcha Day is
problematic—mostly because it feels connected to kidnappings and forced
adoptions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I understand their sentiment, but I haven’t yet found a term
that means quite the same thing. Some families say “Adoption Day, ” but in our
family, THIS isn’t adoption day. Adoption Day might be the day we took Matthew
to the U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou and his adoption became official. It might
also be the day Matthew first put his feet on American soil and became a
citizen, which also clenched his adoption in our family. Or it could be the
day, 15 months later, when a judge re-finalized our adoption and gave Matthew a
U.S. birth certificate with our names as parents.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Today, though—today is something different, something imbued
with meaning and holiness for me. It’s the day the nanny walked through the
doors of the Civil Affairs office and put that little baby in my arms. I won’t
ever forget that moment—how his long legs and arms clung to me in fear and
wonder, how he looked up into my eyes and held my gaze for a very long time,
how he felt and smelled strange and familiar all at the same time. I liken it
to the moment I birthed each of my first two babies and looked into their faces for
the first time—except it’s not exactly the same. You see, both Maya and Sam had
become people literally right next to me, inside my body. Even though I
couldn’t see their faces, I was with them every moment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">With Matthew, I felt how very far away he was. For six months
after we were matched, I prayed for him, thought about him, sang to him,
worried about him, and grew to love him. I stared each day at the few pictures
we had of him and felt, palpably, his distance. So the moment when they put
that sweet baby in my arms and I could finally look at his beautiful face, I
felt a kind of profound settling that I still can’t quite put words to. I
finally had that kid next to me, and there he would stay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Five years into that story, we know it’s not been an easy
path to walk. With so many challenges and delays, Matthew’s role in our family
is different than we expected. But we’ve also had five years to watch him grow
and change—to help him along, And he’s come SO far with love and support and
care. That is rather profound to me too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioMQxDEnerGVJVvinyT1N934C9HCKvX3tR25wlfZJBdCAaERBaHM0NxcfSAjbIgpRukfIdf106qDPedhArUzpaw0Oy2FwiP04QjF6eMttoyg2lQYSY-r6fAzVbLM7JKgPP7xlS99PyM46y/s1600/Matthew9+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioMQxDEnerGVJVvinyT1N934C9HCKvX3tR25wlfZJBdCAaERBaHM0NxcfSAjbIgpRukfIdf106qDPedhArUzpaw0Oy2FwiP04QjF6eMttoyg2lQYSY-r6fAzVbLM7JKgPP7xlS99PyM46y/s640/Matthew9+copy.jpg" width="480" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Our souls have grown deeper—literally—through the many challenges,
and we are on the path to becoming the best versions of ourselves that we can
be. Our big kids, too, are growing into empathetic, patient, kind human beings
because of Matthew in our family. They’ve had to give and sacrifice of
themselves a little, but they’ve been rewarded a hundredfold because of it. I
wouldn’t change our family or these experiences for anything.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw6n0aI98nIW-lvGSjwaX7k7bnJYqu2OKB4puookan9o12NDp_hpQ5Owu3lgkXiNXjO7A7VRkKkktIufrPi0oAfH9Z6tigqdIUZ3FdQraA_bx_jd9l4sni8OKuJecabVvEUZ04_SDRsfUu/s1600/Matthew7+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw6n0aI98nIW-lvGSjwaX7k7bnJYqu2OKB4puookan9o12NDp_hpQ5Owu3lgkXiNXjO7A7VRkKkktIufrPi0oAfH9Z6tigqdIUZ3FdQraA_bx_jd9l4sni8OKuJecabVvEUZ04_SDRsfUu/s640/Matthew7+copy.jpg" width="480" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I took the early shift this morning with our boy who likes
to get up around 5:30 a.m. When I heard him talking in his bed, I climbed under
the covers beside him and inhaled his little boy smell. He nestled his head
into my arm, stuck his thumb in his mouth, and hummed through his repertoire of
favorite kid songs as he lay close beside me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It was a symbolic way to start this morning—with my boy
close by my side. Even though I’m not sure how much he understands of
complicated talk, I whispered to him, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Today
is a special day, Buddy. Today, five years ago, you joined our family. I love
you and am so happy to be your mama.</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuXZ9dvwjT-e0uCf9_0jK-zgHfBS24t9oHtEXE7PnWvKY3-GNZk36e0L-HEuxgYmecSZsHY_lshZvaXNOeGv7D8ll6HtbviSTOxClKtFC8tPBlvvKspJ28cuRmXVYvaLBHWZ0sNMNtoE89/s1600/Matthew8+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="788" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuXZ9dvwjT-e0uCf9_0jK-zgHfBS24t9oHtEXE7PnWvKY3-GNZk36e0L-HEuxgYmecSZsHY_lshZvaXNOeGv7D8ll6HtbviSTOxClKtFC8tPBlvvKspJ28cuRmXVYvaLBHWZ0sNMNtoE89/s640/Matthew8+copy.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And I am, truly. Sometimes I can hardly believe five years
have gone by. Other times it seems this boy has always been part of our lives. Today
I give thanks for Matthew Oscar Xu-Bo Russell and remember, with reverence, the
moment I first held him in my aching, waiting mama arms and could finally say, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’ve gotcha, kiddo, and I won’t ever let you
go</i>.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-32498428480283345852017-03-04T12:31:00.002-08:002017-03-04T12:31:25.875-08:00PresenceOne of my favorite aspects of the parenting philosophy known as "Love and Logic" is the way a parent is encouraged to practice presence with a child by sitting next to them and simply narrating the things they are doing. Not judging, not even commenting... just narrating.<br />
<br />
As in, "Matthew, now you're picking up the truck. Now you're driving the truck. Now the truck and the car are all lined up. Now the truck is driving over the car and down to the ground. Oh look, you grabbed the purple balloon and now the truck is driving on top of the balloon."<br />
<br />
It may seem simple or boring, but the Love and Logic parenting strategy is built on the concept that the parent attends to the child in a neutral way...that it's of great value to a child when the parent simply sits with them and notices. When we start to judge or comment, then we lay a bunch of our values or priorities on the child, which gives the child the message that they should play differently or be different than they are. But when we simply notice them and sit beside them, we affirm their personhood and give value to who they already are.<br />
<br />
Because of Matthew's delays, I have this tendency to make every interaction with him an opportunity for him to learn and grow. But after a long day at school, with so many demands pressed upon him, I always feel like he needs to come home and simply be. Choose what he wants to do. Play with toys his own way.<br />
<br />
So I am practicing the gift of presence by sitting alongside him, noticing aloud what he's doing so he knows I'm attending to him.<br />
<br />
I hope this has been a gift to him. But it's most certainly been a gift to ME. I have learned all kinds of things about Matthew simply by sitting beside him and attending to whatever it is he's doing. I see his intelligence. I've learned about how he thinks. I've come to realize some of his preferences that I didn't know before. And I've done it all with a kind of stillness in my own body and heart that allows me to be in relationship with him in a calm and present way.<br />
<br />
Freed from any expectations from me, Matthew is also free to enjoy both his playtime and my presence without feeling like he owes me something. I am finding that some of my favorite times with him are during these times of presence.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I'm honestly not sure how much Matthew likes me. That might sound like a funny thing to say, but because of his social delays he's not a kid who says "I like you, Mama," or even expresses that sentiment with his body.<br />
<br />
But when I sit and attend to him, I know. I know because every so often he will look over at me and hold my gaze, checking to be sure I'm still sitting there. And when I go to get up, he'll sign "sit" + "mama," telling me to sit back down and spend more time with him. And that melts my heart.<br />
<br />
How much better my life would be if I could practice presence with everyone I encounter. I flit from one task to another all day long, sometimes barely remembering to take a breath. So my few moments of presence with Matthew are really a break from most of my life's pace.<br />
<br />
It also dawns on me that because Matthew is pretty much non-verbal, he probably starts to resent everyone talking around him all the time. So sometimes instead of narrating what he's doing, I simply sit beside him quietly.<br />
<br />
Last weekend we were on an island with some friends and late in the morning on Saturday, I took a walk with Matthew riding his skuut bike. We walked quite a distance and I let him set the pace of the walk. We stopped when he wanted to stop. We went extra fast when he felt like doing that too. I can't think of a time when his body was so calm, and he seemed so genuinely happy. His mama was with him, paying attention to him. My phone was put away in my pocket so I wasn't distracted, and I was free to focus on Matthew and our time together.<br />
<br />
It was a blessed half hour with my boy, one I would have most definitely missed had I not been committed to giving him the gift of my presence.<br />
<br />
There are many things Matthew needs from me as his mama. But perhaps one of the most powerful and lasting is that of my time and focus: of a presence unfettered by the many other distractions that life brings, a gift to him and to me.Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-24527263185113078282017-02-22T20:59:00.004-08:002017-02-22T21:01:32.330-08:00Attachment <span style="color: #353535; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt;">The adoption community is all about attachment. I mean REALLY
all about attachment. Before we even finished the process to bring a child
home, we had to attend all of these required trainings to learn how to help our
new child attach to our family. Even at the time it felt a little overkill to
me, but I jumped through the hoops because it was part of the expectation for
adoption.</span><br />
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I mean, I understand: it's important for both the child and the
family to feel connected, especially since you don't have the pleasure of
growing a baby in your body and welcoming them into the brand-new world. To
create the connections that one needs for lifetime relationship, it takes
intentionality.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt;">But recently, I have read a couple of posts from popular
adoption blogs debunking the myth of attachment as the sole pinnacle of a good
adoption. Kids come home with so many challenges, and it's nearly impossible to
imagine that we might attached to them in the same ways that we attached to our
biological children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMkBi03uvWNM00ky81IPQktP5RIXj3uit77bNvm50IxYBboImEJKVOhyeYyB6utvKsDczbLs5po_RDZ98wAIHHAEsTN1Z89K3UI8ylsAQDzbsNBf0S2daHaItoWXVs9c0T6ZHjOqZnJagx/s1600/IMG_7065.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMkBi03uvWNM00ky81IPQktP5RIXj3uit77bNvm50IxYBboImEJKVOhyeYyB6utvKsDczbLs5po_RDZ98wAIHHAEsTN1Z89K3UI8ylsAQDzbsNBf0S2daHaItoWXVs9c0T6ZHjOqZnJagx/s640/IMG_7065.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Maybe it depends on who the kid is that you bring home, but in
our case, attaching to Matthew and loving him have taken a different path than
with our first two, homegrown babies. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt;">And it's not bad. It's just different. It has taken me several
years to be able to say these words and not feel guilty about them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I love Matthew deeply. I do. He's a hard guy to parent, but I
feel very connected to him. But because of his many challenges, especially with
autism, it's not possible for me to have the same kind of social relationship
that I have with my first two children. Matthew doesn't give love and affection
back in the same way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgENeHtDYWGVa-CgzFzCxXkfvbLK_7W6p1_UBJOQY657qq43K1XnZ89VCnP1u2uU9X9ondTwURAjPOn-RPTGCaK2wVjqbf6K48-lWV7nuaNlc72JbhALiGOubVM3yGfVM09Q0imRzzpPb-6/s1600/IMG_7217.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgENeHtDYWGVa-CgzFzCxXkfvbLK_7W6p1_UBJOQY657qq43K1XnZ89VCnP1u2uU9X9ondTwURAjPOn-RPTGCaK2wVjqbf6K48-lWV7nuaNlc72JbhALiGOubVM3yGfVM09Q0imRzzpPb-6/s640/IMG_7217.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt;"> I'm being honest, I have carried a lot of shame and guilt
about this for quite some time. We did everything the adoption agencies, the
books and the blogs said to do: We wore him in the ergo, we did skin to skin
time, We fed him his bottle hundreds of times while snuggled up close, and for
several months after he came home, we kept our lives very simple and focused on
him. Both my husband and I did hours and hours of floortime, playing with
Matthew, teaching him skills, helping him with emotional and social
growth. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I don't regret doing any of these things. They helped build the
foundation for the relationship that we have with our youngest son. But along
the way I have carried quite a lot of guilt over not having an attachment with
Matthew that mirrors our attachments to our other two kids.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt;">So just like so many other things on this adoption journey, I am
learning to let go of that too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-kF7XeKZt6P0yzVT_ztvdpqpj7r_kjeIcnSu-w0HOjQQN8nGG_cTz71gxBKqsV138GFfeYq9yJOxG1ANKfX-8IIsrS9-P_bbhVrAIseQ5TCrUTRH-YQ6Xy-5xQnknDHV18IWQruU2EJ_i/s1600/FullSizeRender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-kF7XeKZt6P0yzVT_ztvdpqpj7r_kjeIcnSu-w0HOjQQN8nGG_cTz71gxBKqsV138GFfeYq9yJOxG1ANKfX-8IIsrS9-P_bbhVrAIseQ5TCrUTRH-YQ6Xy-5xQnknDHV18IWQruU2EJ_i/s640/FullSizeRender.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt;">And instead I'm trying to open my heart to the relationship I do
have with Matthew: one that is filled with humor, fun, and a sense of presence.
When I am with him, I try my best to be very present with him. And when I'm
away, I try my best to get the breaks I need and not worry about him and what
he's up to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt;">There are so many things I could worry about. But by letting go
of some kind of forced notion of attachment, I find I can re-orient myself to
the relationship I DO have with my child: One that may not look typical but is
deep and real in the best way it can be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt;">And then I'm free to be Matthew's mama in the best way I know,
which I hope is also the best for my sweet boy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-36581234260061771812017-02-06T11:48:00.000-08:002017-02-06T11:48:29.057-08:00Emotion Coaching<div class="MsoNormal">
We’ve finally been able to take a breath at our house. The
new medication seems to be working for Matthew, and he’s made his way out of
the crevasse and back onto the well-trodden path, to continue a metaphor I
started in another post. It’s a SNOW DAY today—no school for the kids and no
work for me (I’m a high school teacher so I benefit from school closures just
like my kids). I’m sitting in our living room with a steaming mug of tea while
Matthew plays with a balloon he earned from pooping on the potty (his favorite
reward). It’s a rare moment of calm at our house, and I’m grateful for it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVkBjKRpH3rHB1YFEmsoJSukAA2ZBM03oWjZoyrGo2zQiCPGl39biVbcyseXSrpv5flcmaByMuqc9QhTcdCHxkXctmKT2vFu64EpJTz7Fl1yq5iT6VE6prOudgCV4k_DsXYzViNsZkSfHo/s1600/Russell-0482+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVkBjKRpH3rHB1YFEmsoJSukAA2ZBM03oWjZoyrGo2zQiCPGl39biVbcyseXSrpv5flcmaByMuqc9QhTcdCHxkXctmKT2vFu64EpJTz7Fl1yq5iT6VE6prOudgCV4k_DsXYzViNsZkSfHo/s640/Russell-0482+copy.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last year during his final pre-K year, Matthew did two
rounds of an autism day treatment program at the neurodevelopmental center in
our city. One component of that program was a parent training course that both
Aaron and I attended (one during each session). My parents came to several of
the sessions as well.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
During that parent training, we learned invaluable skills in
working with Matthew—things I would never have figured out on my own. I would
highly commend a training program to any parent—even the most experienced
parent—struggling to parent a kiddo on the spectrum or with behavioral
challenges.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the most helpful parts of that training was the
series of sessions on both social coaching and emotional coaching. We’ve been
using emotional coaching so much lately, as Matthew is living into being a six
year old with very little spoken language and some developmental delays. I am
pretty sure he feels a huge influx of emotions in his mind and heart—and sometimes
those emotions are overwhelming and contribute to his challenging behaviors.
Aaron has taught him the signs for several feelings: sad, mad, scared, angry,
happy, excited . . . and we regularly ask him how he’s feeling or model the
sign we THINK he might be feeling so he starts to learn them. He likes to play
the “feeling” game, where we do a sign and then he tries to make his body act
like that sign. Happy brings a smile, angry brings a scrunched-up face and a
tense body, and so on.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This isn’t by any means the entirety of our parenting or
working with Matthew’s challenging behaviors, but it feels like we are building
a foundation of skills that will help equip Matthew for more independent,
autonomous interactions and relationships. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These are things that typically developing kids tend to
learn on their own just by watching the modeling around them. But it takes
extra work for a kiddo like Matthew to gain these skills—and yet they are important
for all children.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I’ve said before, we don’t exactly know where Matthew
will land when he is an adult. His development Is pretty uncertain at this
point. But equipping him with skills to express his emotions seems like a good
plan no matter how independent or dependent he is as an adult. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It might make his teenage years easier too. In fact,
emotional coaching would probably help every teenager, so we must be doing something
right.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyhow, I'm happy to report things are on the upswing here. It feels good to be back dealing with the layers of behavior that we are used to. It's funny how hard things become normal--but that's what life is these days. So we're digging in, embracing this path because it's the only one we've got!</div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-68469067854992587982017-01-29T13:28:00.000-08:002017-01-29T13:28:35.535-08:00To medicate or not to medicate: that is the question.<div class="MsoNormal">
The topic of medication is a very controversial one when
caring for a child with neurological challenges. Ask most parents and you'll find that they have
a strong opinion, one way or another: some families would NEVER put their
children on medication while others COULDN’T live without meds. I enter this
topic with a great deal of trepidation because soon after we made the decision
to put Matthew on meds, someone I know wrote me an email begging me to consider
other options, shaming me into feeling like I was a bad parent, taking the easy way out by medicating him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jeesh—the things we say to each other sometimes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In truth, we thought long and hard about medications before
finally turning to them. We tried behavioral intervention, a “sensory rich”
diet of activities, clothing, weighted blankets, arm brushing, pressure on the
skin, a sensory swing, and just about every other option.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But there came a point where it was obvious that Matthew’s
challenges were beyond external supports. He obviously didn’t feel good in his
own body, and we were failing at trying to help him from the outside. So with
careful consultation with a wonderful neuropediatrician at Seattle Children’s
Developmental Center, we launched Matthew into the world of medication, little
by little, to help support him on the inside.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9oWAGZFxM-jK-r3YEQmZdSe3P2zriSERtdRRIlMie_pn72AGRe5H0Vj1Xgh5I68R7XVJz47oJ0oPXZV8vMHfgzgNpgMCcXSR_lQHmnyTb3wUKI9cZQ5tcV7LcsnfKKhwiwQ54LQMLhv19/s1600/IMG_7126.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9oWAGZFxM-jK-r3YEQmZdSe3P2zriSERtdRRIlMie_pn72AGRe5H0Vj1Xgh5I68R7XVJz47oJ0oPXZV8vMHfgzgNpgMCcXSR_lQHmnyTb3wUKI9cZQ5tcV7LcsnfKKhwiwQ54LQMLhv19/s640/IMG_7126.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meds haven’t changed Matthew—they haven’t taken away his
challenges. But we have found several medications that help him feel more at
home in his body. Far from being sedated or “drugged out,” Matthew is actually
more clear and focused with the support of medications. He’s less anxious, more
able to engage and learn, and more willing to practice his communication skills
with us. School days are easier and more focused. He’s learning more.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am grateful we finally decided to go down this path.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And that’s a lot for me to say, since I’m the parent who
tries every single home remedy before taking my child to the doctor for an
antibiotic. We take food-grade essential oils in capsules when we are sick and
we eat foods to keep our immune system strong. I’m a regular walker and jogger,
I take yoga weekly to manage my stress. I’m not one of those parents who
quickly jumps to medication. Believe me, I do everything to avoid medication
most of the time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But when you are a person whose body chemistry is totally
out of whack, like Matthew, then I have a hard time saying NO to something that
will help him feel more at home in his body.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course one of the risks of medication is that it can work
for a while and then all of a sudden NOT WORK any longer. This is what seemed
to happen for Matthew in late November and early December when his behavior
started going downhill. Nothing changed in his life or in our lives—he was in
the same routines at the same school—the same teacher, the same caregivers, the
same expectations.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But all of a sudden the cocktail of medications that were
working started to NOT WORK any more. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And this is always the risk—when one’s body chemistry is imbalanced,
then there is always a possibility that medication won’t work the same way all
the time. That reality is frustrating and a little scary too. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t really have any life-changing advice about
medication. I do know that we live in a culture that has the reputation of
being quick to medicate its children to avoid dealing with their behavior. But
for families like ours, knee deep in “dealing” with behavior, sometimes our
best intentions and research-based actions aren’t enough. If behavioral
challenges are a form of suffering for our kiddos, and there are medications
that can help our kids feel less dysregulated and more at home in their bodies,
why would we deny them that experience? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy9z_6rFgyhEpJsR-Yafo3ZWu-0S9OvjGYtbTUx5Ds3bqeLs-tdOtxoWNMKN4qe_R4CcYI2RT233z1VlSl2yh9gh2-TFmzm9tMXH29iulWMsGRq_-pBQe9C4OP9nxcji1hZa-QK-2hmXm2/s1600/IMG_7298.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy9z_6rFgyhEpJsR-Yafo3ZWu-0S9OvjGYtbTUx5Ds3bqeLs-tdOtxoWNMKN4qe_R4CcYI2RT233z1VlSl2yh9gh2-TFmzm9tMXH29iulWMsGRq_-pBQe9C4OP9nxcji1hZa-QK-2hmXm2/s640/IMG_7298.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All I can say is this: each family and child is unique. As
parents of these very difficult children, we need the opportunity to make the
decision that is best for each of us. For our family, saying YES to medication
for Matthew has been the right decision. I don’t regret it for a second. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If saying NO is the best decision for you and your child,
then that’s clearly what you should do. Please don’t hear this post as an
endorsement for medicating kids who have neurological challenges. It’s just one
mama’s story, shared with honesty and a big dose of humility too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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One last thing we have learned—medication doesn’t (and
cannot) turn a behaviorally challenged child into a little angel. I think
that’s one of the biggest misunderstandings about psychotropic medication. Our
kids still deal with all their challenges. But with a calmer body to start
with, they are more likely to find success (and us too) after all the work and
effort. Medication doesn’t turn our dysregulated boy into a neurotypical kiddo
who is similar to his peers. He’s still a bizarre, unique little person. But
he’s able to be a little more at home in his body, and as a result, we all get
to be a little more at home when we are together too.<o:p></o:p></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-46182442175164523062017-01-08T18:14:00.000-08:002017-02-26T19:48:32.390-08:00You Can Do This Hard Thing<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11pt;">It has been a very
challenging season at our house lately with Matthew’s very difficult behavior.
It seems like December is always a hard month, for reasons probably having to
do with parenting an active boy who loves the outside, which is hard to do in
the Pacific Northwest in the winter.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">But I also think that the
routine of school, the pressures on our boy, and the sensory overload of
Christmas with its lights, decorations and presents culminate into a rather
challenging time of year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">This year Matthew is
struggling.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Well, to be honest, that
is a nice way of putting it: this December Matthew literally exploded.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I have commented to some
friends lately that the hard thing about parenting our boy isn't that he's
delayed or has learning challenges or can't talk or needs help feeding himself
or is still wearing pull-ups, or any of that. The thing that is most
challenging right now is that his behavior quickly disintegrates into full on dysregulated
tantrums with the flip of a switch. He goes crazy, lashing out, throwing
things, trying to bite and hit… Like a crazy, wild animal who doesn't know what
to do with his dysregulated body.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I have decided that rather
than hide away in my own little house, trying to pretend like everything is
fine, it's probably time that I start writing some blog posts about this
experience. If nothing else, maybe other parents out there will read the posts
and realize that they're not alone in the journey of parenting a dysregulated
child. It is so, so hard and not something I would wish on anyone, but it's our
story right now, so I'm trying my best to live into it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Parenting hard kids from
hard places is the experience that many international adoptive families have. I
must admit, my husband and I were hoping for a different story: a kiddo who
needed some medical support and a little extra support developmentally, but who
quickly caught up and was able to experience a typical childhood with learning,
friends, and regular growth. This, unfortunately, is not our story. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I have spent weeks and
months feeling a conflicted mesh of emotions about all this: bitterness towards
other families whose adoptive kids are doing well, anger at God or the universe
for landing us with this child, exhaustion at the amount of energy it takes to
parent Matthew and do it well… but in the end I am trying to choose
gratitude: gratitude for the ways that Matthew changes us, gratitude that we
have the skills and energy to care for him in the ways he needs, and gratitude
that we have the privilege of being his family and his advocates in life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">But I do want to say –
with honesty – that parenting a child with behavioral issues involves a whole
load of grief I wasn’t expecting. It literally consumes us. It takes the life
that we thought we were creating and turns it up on end, and gives us a very
different life. This doesn't mean that our new life isn't of value… But there
is grief and loss involved in letting go of what we thought you were getting ourselves
into so we can be open to the life that is actually ours.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I could tell countless stories
of how this looks on a day-to-day basis in my own life, but suffice to say it
creates a lot of questions, tears, and prayers. It’s life changing and
stretching in ways I never imagined.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Over the next few weeks, I
hope to share – in little short snippets – some of our experiences with the
many aspects of parenting a child with behavioral challenges: these include
medication, sleep, timeouts and consequences, structuring one's family life in
a new way, and caring for oneself as a parent in very difficult
circumstances. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibz-Zd2jv52EC6VAnOYrlvpa3cOqZmUo72n8suUSLVCFnPDXDPpTPYcLEfiZcx2fJsr_AYdTX66CJ_RXhtGUX7k7habcWx2OouJMVme3DMcy54BNL1oJaz-kkiMUqYv0zZ3z9BTahdhtaR/s1600/IMG_7218.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibz-Zd2jv52EC6VAnOYrlvpa3cOqZmUo72n8suUSLVCFnPDXDPpTPYcLEfiZcx2fJsr_AYdTX66CJ_RXhtGUX7k7habcWx2OouJMVme3DMcy54BNL1oJaz-kkiMUqYv0zZ3z9BTahdhtaR/s640/IMG_7218.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Since I am surprised when
I look at my blogs stats to see how many people read my blog each day (thanks
to a couple sites that feed people my way), I want to offer this: if you are at
the end of your rope and need some encouragement or a listening ear, please
don't hesitate to reach out. I do not have answers or any kind of special wisdom,
but I do know how it feels to do this hard work, and I am always glad to sit
alongside someone and bear witness to the things that are so very hard. My
husband and I go to an adoption conference in our area every year, and one of
the most powerful things at that conference is the ability to identify and
stand alongside other families who share some of the things we feel. Last year
they handed us little signs that read "#metoo," and every time
another parent said something that we could relate to, we held up our signs,
feeling a little less alone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">One of my favorite
singer-songwriters, Carrie Newcomer, has a song that has sustained me through
the past few months. My favorite part is the chorus
and the bridge that follows:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">You can do this hard thing, y</span><span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11pt;">ou can do this hard thing</span> </blockquote>
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I sing it to myself in the
shower, in the car, when I’m hiding in the corner of my bedroom sobbing, when
I’m taking deep breaths and walking through the rain in my neighborhood. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">It reminds me that even
when this parenting journey threatens to destroy me, still I can hang in there and make it. We all can. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-size: 11.0pt;">“Impossible just takes a little more time.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-63159857208664535092016-12-22T14:07:00.004-08:002016-12-22T19:05:34.448-08:00Happy December from MatthewHello everyone. Since Mom wasn't doing a very good job of blogging about me these past months, i figured it was time to take matters into my own hands. And since it's been so many months since she posted anything, I figured you might like a little recap. So here it is.<br />
<br />
This year I . . .<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn6UDUSFE5prQWGyNyABR5eo8QUDU4Dtxaj__dnS5CTi5aSEP433LT-TYnRFPysO2U37j5OcB4kBRw1n-jnLoZIKcB1BTZjhGjGMNXkLKPc_rkyax7tt7rRhzNtm51WxO1n9iKE8WnF1Kn/s1600/IMG_1882.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn6UDUSFE5prQWGyNyABR5eo8QUDU4Dtxaj__dnS5CTi5aSEP433LT-TYnRFPysO2U37j5OcB4kBRw1n-jnLoZIKcB1BTZjhGjGMNXkLKPc_rkyax7tt7rRhzNtm51WxO1n9iKE8WnF1Kn/s640/IMG_1882.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rang in the new year at Tall Timber Ranch in the Cascade Mountains.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwA-SDmV58iqzffDZP3BwBp20gzhUCnsZxViYT7uaYkiv_3KJrL2RYWznY7-GKt3lrRC9wRwe4auv1UXcQpylc3v_F983b15ff2HXrRwMu39QIqolRGccaoavkhY_Q48OqW7UX8bPmMI05/s1600/IMG_1906.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwA-SDmV58iqzffDZP3BwBp20gzhUCnsZxViYT7uaYkiv_3KJrL2RYWznY7-GKt3lrRC9wRwe4auv1UXcQpylc3v_F983b15ff2HXrRwMu39QIqolRGccaoavkhY_Q48OqW7UX8bPmMI05/s640/IMG_1906.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Spent time in snow country with my family.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-SX5hnDTcD8_MKPaW_NUhyWomKVocA2jj5ceNdN9aGMCpmPDoke4lSkKKUzLc3D6s3OvScIlhDlZNg-Cb9zFsp34NzKkDLREYSDv7t52BmVXybixx59C3Bo5giXnLX3bFPa1A_tJi0UAj/s1600/IMG_2193.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-SX5hnDTcD8_MKPaW_NUhyWomKVocA2jj5ceNdN9aGMCpmPDoke4lSkKKUzLc3D6s3OvScIlhDlZNg-Cb9zFsp34NzKkDLREYSDv7t52BmVXybixx59C3Bo5giXnLX3bFPa1A_tJi0UAj/s640/IMG_2193.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Watched my mom and sister snowshoe in the falling snow.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif6mE7f98Q4198Z7Mdj4NaITJqpyzc-PH0eJDZQk2fMZhyaj96OLZff2sNUxWYhnEdVPTxjNXO3baviwUqCd6susGaIoH6gkuJKlTSCrAvB0Ml4TiJifzPnwwe_q1RJgsFMyj8qDPGr2Pm/s1600/IMG_2199.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif6mE7f98Q4198Z7Mdj4NaITJqpyzc-PH0eJDZQk2fMZhyaj96OLZff2sNUxWYhnEdVPTxjNXO3baviwUqCd6susGaIoH6gkuJKlTSCrAvB0Ml4TiJifzPnwwe_q1RJgsFMyj8qDPGr2Pm/s640/IMG_2199.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gave my dad and mom lots of kisses.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6X0id2K7nLDYgN0zjbDAiyx3OYx03ZveUF-F8Z7mpExbasijC898yXYRMInN7V0OS40w37wEzUiLYgl0ohPBw3yoKAk6eCo3tpKy4S2vskXYwcsXjMBxrZJB_nzEwpG0ad1U6ExoEGCB6/s1600/IMG_2613.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6X0id2K7nLDYgN0zjbDAiyx3OYx03ZveUF-F8Z7mpExbasijC898yXYRMInN7V0OS40w37wEzUiLYgl0ohPBw3yoKAk6eCo3tpKy4S2vskXYwcsXjMBxrZJB_nzEwpG0ad1U6ExoEGCB6/s640/IMG_2613.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Said goodbye to my sister as she flew to New Jersey with my mom.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX8_mOakPFR7aBglQW0dvxVF7WLwBKsO_s2cNHJ5w8cJr7q47df727faerZ5WWwmLGj8Agl4WSUViGbMyQbJfQG54D1AptsihuP_Qna_o-hYm3LpJg8pnBx1v9XUov872Vt2xZhPRVkuxR/s1600/IMG_2641.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX8_mOakPFR7aBglQW0dvxVF7WLwBKsO_s2cNHJ5w8cJr7q47df727faerZ5WWwmLGj8Agl4WSUViGbMyQbJfQG54D1AptsihuP_Qna_o-hYm3LpJg8pnBx1v9XUov872Vt2xZhPRVkuxR/s640/IMG_2641.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Welcomed a new cousin, baby Nicholas.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJrxT2pLEiIeltAPd8XxHEtz0uq7nziFHOsSs2tchSZ8E5onvKz-jgKipXRzPHaYB8JQ-Dz9VjUe2w5sLu1Yej7wAOcn8sYc_yiPshiyprnkJqxflX_UOAN06iNlw26g4eQkgXWC02VSLr/s1600/IMG_3370.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJrxT2pLEiIeltAPd8XxHEtz0uq7nziFHOsSs2tchSZ8E5onvKz-jgKipXRzPHaYB8JQ-Dz9VjUe2w5sLu1Yej7wAOcn8sYc_yiPshiyprnkJqxflX_UOAN06iNlw26g4eQkgXWC02VSLr/s640/IMG_3370.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Watched my cousins and grandparents be SILLY!</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_eXFhkhyphenhyphenINUQFFQWkG3-9LFHiZLoLgdNUh_oU8IBoE7xl0IbAV5THRAkQnxTqjquohzb827VVntqjGxjXxtDSOHqyAMWMYTK4JPqblldcq2zleLv6kKVCykTZ31Jy31nefOde2gabp7ng/s1600/IMG_3440.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_eXFhkhyphenhyphenINUQFFQWkG3-9LFHiZLoLgdNUh_oU8IBoE7xl0IbAV5THRAkQnxTqjquohzb827VVntqjGxjXxtDSOHqyAMWMYTK4JPqblldcq2zleLv6kKVCykTZ31Jy31nefOde2gabp7ng/s640/IMG_3440.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Spent spring break with our dear friends in Pullman, WA.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE2kYg9DM871yohZRYuhx__6nHbDXCuGrxNG0EXJH77BmVU42Fimccjcp_wURsFJERfQw3OoM-rGOQVwionuyqUUWEzgf9XhMQ4-w-6eGnIZbbE8trcgy-6wVGhoDUmruSAyDWen-Y0Gi3/s1600/IMG_3612.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE2kYg9DM871yohZRYuhx__6nHbDXCuGrxNG0EXJH77BmVU42Fimccjcp_wURsFJERfQw3OoM-rGOQVwionuyqUUWEzgf9XhMQ4-w-6eGnIZbbE8trcgy-6wVGhoDUmruSAyDWen-Y0Gi3/s640/IMG_3612.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Went hiking on Whidbey Island.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf55JLQ83Yc43i6vAN9UosruAxMzRzmETxylR7z4M_kvHeCQ5TBec4I7qQVSlRfOwqW19P4OnKAwfkOk0qf-9TpdE4F4HHJsrdKtkV3rg4EOOcLq2R04rIrpyHaSROum6wG1_F65wlFCRq/s1600/IMG_3615.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf55JLQ83Yc43i6vAN9UosruAxMzRzmETxylR7z4M_kvHeCQ5TBec4I7qQVSlRfOwqW19P4OnKAwfkOk0qf-9TpdE4F4HHJsrdKtkV3rg4EOOcLq2R04rIrpyHaSROum6wG1_F65wlFCRq/s640/IMG_3615.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Read lots and lots of books.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4-Xnduwjpff6U68fjJifnhn_Ni490gL9rlTpM_qXL2iNSvNroBvhfpIzWRQ1IP_Ct9uuavYKtwrRbH_TgG4adk0sJubl7A95lHio9U1KXLUQWmsJPSPuO5_xfledq5LzowU96zMNaBq_1/s1600/IMG_3712.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4-Xnduwjpff6U68fjJifnhn_Ni490gL9rlTpM_qXL2iNSvNroBvhfpIzWRQ1IP_Ct9uuavYKtwrRbH_TgG4adk0sJubl7A95lHio9U1KXLUQWmsJPSPuO5_xfledq5LzowU96zMNaBq_1/s640/IMG_3712.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cheered on the Seattle Sounders with my dad.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmeqlWEt4jRLnK8N8TEYYgVBfK5arrt_gTnPhbvDDz7yN3TmOc6Gfc2aCWaeEhr-TjaQh10oG0450H2aOUCFgD5-rgThRdmSeFebqWe0IsYAHm_EDuJ7ZVAek-6p-7S-zgiOGBPriNcl01/s1600/IMG_4077.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmeqlWEt4jRLnK8N8TEYYgVBfK5arrt_gTnPhbvDDz7yN3TmOc6Gfc2aCWaeEhr-TjaQh10oG0450H2aOUCFgD5-rgThRdmSeFebqWe0IsYAHm_EDuJ7ZVAek-6p-7S-zgiOGBPriNcl01/s640/IMG_4077.JPG" width="636" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Learned to love balloons.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGaQuXJ6N4KFu00Ouovmpeq12OCFVQAsWm-d1eY1qBYduN0vwVgc7bHOxlpPgKb8_tlwG41O8Xymrzfi8FFLhK65u9Azgz-xSgQwZLy1u998vMrY0eSp_pXZw5vXuBoBjleL7OiwyfW0AL/s1600/IMG_4078.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="636" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGaQuXJ6N4KFu00Ouovmpeq12OCFVQAsWm-d1eY1qBYduN0vwVgc7bHOxlpPgKb8_tlwG41O8Xymrzfi8FFLhK65u9Azgz-xSgQwZLy1u998vMrY0eSp_pXZw5vXuBoBjleL7OiwyfW0AL/s640/IMG_4078.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Also learned to stop being afraid of latex gloves.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV6JcyRYJtvD6WG3n8jOaCRBF0eRSInYkPl92IXTOhLLvtZz7WG0xwU_-lbz0Klpas3Mu99Fu1-R7KnKUVFONECcZNKSbAzm8s8MU-Oj9MQsLretvI9zHUsslddPNHuBer8m2U3XQGfdoQ/s1600/IMG_4194.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV6JcyRYJtvD6WG3n8jOaCRBF0eRSInYkPl92IXTOhLLvtZz7WG0xwU_-lbz0Klpas3Mu99Fu1-R7KnKUVFONECcZNKSbAzm8s8MU-Oj9MQsLretvI9zHUsslddPNHuBer8m2U3XQGfdoQ/s640/IMG_4194.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Spent a weekend in Ocean Shores with friends.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiafnnizVzUDrcqmxtafa8fJPdp4EU8PTiNByybd0pACbvrswYxrf3yHLSP3ykVbs0PeC881RCl7d3iZgR9MexFWAyOnNyeRikC_XnEj_vYswlFLKvOG73kl4BSMT39rE9U_i2PQtRgNI7N/s1600/IMG_4196.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiafnnizVzUDrcqmxtafa8fJPdp4EU8PTiNByybd0pACbvrswYxrf3yHLSP3ykVbs0PeC881RCl7d3iZgR9MexFWAyOnNyeRikC_XnEj_vYswlFLKvOG73kl4BSMT39rE9U_i2PQtRgNI7N/s640/IMG_4196.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Got covered in sand.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC7lDsei0H4AaJ_rdB4OtvZJ26mYjc_zsXp0OvylnymshQuf3ueeNRJEeDn-ZyXQ5U3eyG2E9nieW77tncK2viO4jhGrXDjyxeJ72gBPn0-HEA41cnkkrwzQWENwjSqocHjQYj-NypIm0m/s1600/IMG_4508.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC7lDsei0H4AaJ_rdB4OtvZJ26mYjc_zsXp0OvylnymshQuf3ueeNRJEeDn-ZyXQ5U3eyG2E9nieW77tncK2viO4jhGrXDjyxeJ72gBPn0-HEA41cnkkrwzQWENwjSqocHjQYj-NypIm0m/s640/IMG_4508.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wrestled a lot with my dad.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOdhffOJ28pmqJ3X5nzZbdUF31ogYLy667s4sXCZvzrEyThfvVtjAvEwHO1I0jQtzulH1Oud21fUi4rN32GXFD_YJNfFXdFCwkFhC9ozDpFsNycaBaT_4doEbbxTSP_krQoRKT6wVlApsV/s1600/IMG_4509.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOdhffOJ28pmqJ3X5nzZbdUF31ogYLy667s4sXCZvzrEyThfvVtjAvEwHO1I0jQtzulH1Oud21fUi4rN32GXFD_YJNfFXdFCwkFhC9ozDpFsNycaBaT_4doEbbxTSP_krQoRKT6wVlApsV/s640/IMG_4509.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Picked strawberries with my family.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb_cqDimJzxHSggazgwl9bvprn0Po9dxaiEV7wuEX9hyphenhyphenj3pQvC0niJJ9LOIKPorCbG2i75chyphenhypheno7QhcYx_XD_cgLmYE8iBT5zvdUgxy2TmPiFv2omNtse49eKNHCRldBAUOSGdFB2ibxqkq/s1600/IMG_4826.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb_cqDimJzxHSggazgwl9bvprn0Po9dxaiEV7wuEX9hyphenhyphenj3pQvC0niJJ9LOIKPorCbG2i75chyphenhypheno7QhcYx_XD_cgLmYE8iBT5zvdUgxy2TmPiFv2omNtse49eKNHCRldBAUOSGdFB2ibxqkq/s640/IMG_4826.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Went for lots of hikes.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwHhifdmLpbKZvoXDHAYr_h_uST64ArlKITuQrUcU38Wwv7M1xbz0H52x2KlFRaVYFIktPPcyQqraypu2Eqa3nBsmQqzdXJJxl-PEh_cmXCjWdKg0aGNsRt2Gz2eC3ETgrJC6_h8o-6gdC/s1600/IMG_4896.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwHhifdmLpbKZvoXDHAYr_h_uST64ArlKITuQrUcU38Wwv7M1xbz0H52x2KlFRaVYFIktPPcyQqraypu2Eqa3nBsmQqzdXJJxl-PEh_cmXCjWdKg0aGNsRt2Gz2eC3ETgrJC6_h8o-6gdC/s640/IMG_4896.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sent my sister and brother off to their last day of school in June.</td></tr>
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<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgERzPOEu03JhzxmESEvnXn6gskBI0l7h_d0hC_KE-WuRjEgNtbUQw9clDYP8vmQrnIWS4fX6s3PT0S4NHkBpN1YrGZqt8nOkf8LYgLt8YMeQJhODWW8xmI46S15oKhANKxvsqNAE4Zd8IJ/s1600/IMG_4961.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgERzPOEu03JhzxmESEvnXn6gskBI0l7h_d0hC_KE-WuRjEgNtbUQw9clDYP8vmQrnIWS4fX6s3PT0S4NHkBpN1YrGZqt8nOkf8LYgLt8YMeQJhODWW8xmI46S15oKhANKxvsqNAE4Zd8IJ/s640/IMG_4961.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Celebrated my brother's 8th birthday.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu_JkRa4niVldZF_7c2X03jkPryllNdyCwuWW7jevFgJN2s0tngh-lEJ0cI0DZw2g7OB334t9ygmY74p-wW3opLVffKx-MD8jEA0tXICmxPFvqB6U8Pi8OEM13YpjTytTCM_I91tKstTBl/s1600/IMG_5391.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu_JkRa4niVldZF_7c2X03jkPryllNdyCwuWW7jevFgJN2s0tngh-lEJ0cI0DZw2g7OB334t9ygmY74p-wW3opLVffKx-MD8jEA0tXICmxPFvqB6U8Pi8OEM13YpjTytTCM_I91tKstTBl/s640/IMG_5391.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Started learning to smile for the camera.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGnMxBWPe8CtocMTCsOjpk6wDU2FqIWUsK2mOcafQnwUX2M14coZG6-OiXtbzYq-s10z1jpv0Yy33qCm4v3QRlW3_OqFCQrYc8qyTyrYLD0_N1wmsi9pLJRImKCq3R-5TFIbeXhbKzdo1r/s1600/IMG_5491.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="636" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGnMxBWPe8CtocMTCsOjpk6wDU2FqIWUsK2mOcafQnwUX2M14coZG6-OiXtbzYq-s10z1jpv0Yy33qCm4v3QRlW3_OqFCQrYc8qyTyrYLD0_N1wmsi9pLJRImKCq3R-5TFIbeXhbKzdo1r/s640/IMG_5491.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Became obsessed with balloons.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRl7xqTpnCSE4TPr5yuli1j5o4j3aDS3kskYm9uJZ2X6FnPBRB-XokWcoWapGA4PEDyxV2pL1H7BYk8I0LqnziZg1Zm-DEhRdbeBOhyphenhyphenVEdUA2rgZpi5wT0v5Rqj8F_svSyJIi0iK5RKWep/s1600/IMG_5567.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRl7xqTpnCSE4TPr5yuli1j5o4j3aDS3kskYm9uJZ2X6FnPBRB-XokWcoWapGA4PEDyxV2pL1H7BYk8I0LqnziZg1Zm-DEhRdbeBOhyphenhyphenVEdUA2rgZpi5wT0v5Rqj8F_svSyJIi0iK5RKWep/s640/IMG_5567.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rode my skuut at a park in Utah.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRj53VU7KbRUQnN-O_y4q0GeAeoYSV_0DVapvF6kL2nqL2GLq4YJvi_mfo4lbRIHsjEJr8AVDraHX8yi1KiiXRfXq3In3hsiwSe7rTLyGYxcqzetCn0EZrF-32vfUkF2d-k5u_OyOMmpUy/s1600/IMG_5632.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRj53VU7KbRUQnN-O_y4q0GeAeoYSV_0DVapvF6kL2nqL2GLq4YJvi_mfo4lbRIHsjEJr8AVDraHX8yi1KiiXRfXq3In3hsiwSe7rTLyGYxcqzetCn0EZrF-32vfUkF2d-k5u_OyOMmpUy/s640/IMG_5632.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hiked at Arches National Park.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOCVgkJJjCMGalIuisWQRuS1DoGYzcDIha6nMVFtQhAOmuMoPh-tX6vXqfbiujxU4drp8deiUY4LKW5w5WXBcFPGn3lKCczw3TyDkjt8Kudv6ri5bRVSGlkxJU7xIehBwYD0ty_B8oyXvC/s1600/IMG_5717.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOCVgkJJjCMGalIuisWQRuS1DoGYzcDIha6nMVFtQhAOmuMoPh-tX6vXqfbiujxU4drp8deiUY4LKW5w5WXBcFPGn3lKCczw3TyDkjt8Kudv6ri5bRVSGlkxJU7xIehBwYD0ty_B8oyXvC/s640/IMG_5717.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hiked in the hills of Colorado.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzpwwJDgU9SjTUDlTKnIVWhJ3Tqw1WG1XcCrnYpewna1VGtIDjclQzVnhG8FkJDvt2QJTfgeQt-TwPAmGMMh2qw3t5btbtXEwES-kKOjb11obBM7yEVgJVxuu5ptnb3vQ5KT7vTtYyKszN/s1600/IMG_6126.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzpwwJDgU9SjTUDlTKnIVWhJ3Tqw1WG1XcCrnYpewna1VGtIDjclQzVnhG8FkJDvt2QJTfgeQt-TwPAmGMMh2qw3t5btbtXEwES-kKOjb11obBM7yEVgJVxuu5ptnb3vQ5KT7vTtYyKszN/s640/IMG_6126.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hiked on the trails in Western Washington.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn9ZgWZ1wnIwokxcxrcJprbxElh56wHr-eeDmCEBJLIDLleg_jG0zcqS7MigxEFKqiocMnWRxMCpQ9gPqsFlpqywndRmwBbRNLricXerw7IJ-fjK-hkqU1JRho5iLgKoi034zpqOdSGgv7/s1600/IMG_6310.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn9ZgWZ1wnIwokxcxrcJprbxElh56wHr-eeDmCEBJLIDLleg_jG0zcqS7MigxEFKqiocMnWRxMCpQ9gPqsFlpqywndRmwBbRNLricXerw7IJ-fjK-hkqU1JRho5iLgKoi034zpqOdSGgv7/s640/IMG_6310.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mastered the art of smiling.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEuQ7P6jLvyeC4DHyJTEYVwx2kKC5Ia4e5SLlHuYVi6Dx7CbL_-mzV9JmAWD9JUlOUslfmDLD-I6C4hd37MUfdTqGD_HiVNQTrOzLwdcm0VZtS51AEr0C6PFHMg_1_9C7hDoQ2VNWUq2Jv/s1600/IMG_6386.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEuQ7P6jLvyeC4DHyJTEYVwx2kKC5Ia4e5SLlHuYVi6Dx7CbL_-mzV9JmAWD9JUlOUslfmDLD-I6C4hd37MUfdTqGD_HiVNQTrOzLwdcm0VZtS51AEr0C6PFHMg_1_9C7hDoQ2VNWUq2Jv/s640/IMG_6386.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Got lots of piggy-back rides.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSu3H0B8PFyQHQhFMnpgqPC08UUJyV2TW2I3eJvGsdk2QgH5Bb9UYasCiixT5GPm_2gLYlqImba_5lZJIV55St2U9kC__xikBlZhC3DKPRx1AK1wwfb3i-Lp72gORlF-SNPqA1CI52AYZt/s1600/IMG_6594.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSu3H0B8PFyQHQhFMnpgqPC08UUJyV2TW2I3eJvGsdk2QgH5Bb9UYasCiixT5GPm_2gLYlqImba_5lZJIV55St2U9kC__xikBlZhC3DKPRx1AK1wwfb3i-Lp72gORlF-SNPqA1CI52AYZt/s640/IMG_6594.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Learned to smile REALLY big.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTZZZP96nFy6iQLI8nskwKjyT8ZRQ3cIsd_TK5FZJ3ZmFTwgx1JjxZBHgie4I6SUz7qBNBxg4a5wMv4lqtWRnwI6cWOq5e9WZ8ao0tej3K6M2_kNXe0UIGnRO_KL6DPl0TEHY0kpZP5Tkt/s1600/IMG_6761.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTZZZP96nFy6iQLI8nskwKjyT8ZRQ3cIsd_TK5FZJ3ZmFTwgx1JjxZBHgie4I6SUz7qBNBxg4a5wMv4lqtWRnwI6cWOq5e9WZ8ao0tej3K6M2_kNXe0UIGnRO_KL6DPl0TEHY0kpZP5Tkt/s640/IMG_6761.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cut down a Christmas tree with my grandparents.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf_GOUp37gSGJ4pEFX1hcQcaECqTTLm8sxgxbACtokVzFvU2je4y0GZBL6OZy6S8mSeR-N6f423hj34rbOsyoHmjZr4156PmCKklwyqejsP3clZSTj9xOQKQuF1NvHFr1xITsaq9UAxS9O/s1600/IMG_6797.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="638" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf_GOUp37gSGJ4pEFX1hcQcaECqTTLm8sxgxbACtokVzFvU2je4y0GZBL6OZy6S8mSeR-N6f423hj34rbOsyoHmjZr4156PmCKklwyqejsP3clZSTj9xOQKQuF1NvHFr1xITsaq9UAxS9O/s640/IMG_6797.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And got a room full of balloons for my 6th birthday!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It has been a busy year indeed. I'm definitely giving my family a run for their money with all my changes and developments, and also all my challenging behaviors. But we're making a way together, and I'm gaining skills and communicating more than ever. They love my new smile, my boundless energy, my creativity, and the way I'm always up for a new adventure.<br />
<br />
My mom is sorry she hasn't blogged more in 2016, but she hopes to do more in 2017. Our family knows it takes a village to raise a kiddo like me, and they are SO thankful for the village that surrounds us.Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-65505323838383006412016-03-22T16:14:00.001-07:002016-03-22T16:14:19.624-07:00Tears<div class="MsoNormal">
Tears.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My boy cried tears today—the first time in the almost four
years he’s been home with us. We were at the doctor’s office, waiting to see
the pediatrician, and I could tell he was anxious about what was ahead—the
unknown person and the unknown place that awaited him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrP6nFsB3Fhf2WeYZRU3i4lfBaazQ2waB5FNKede2eWPLt5Qqr9A05A_Ivgaq7Mm4laHSeO8CbjxZCsRrNAO3cZ7Y0rhc26sBhMq3Q1ZT4aA3TG9m0K3150bdPK_W8nIZ836jrSsxO1oUx/s1600/IMG_1681_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrP6nFsB3Fhf2WeYZRU3i4lfBaazQ2waB5FNKede2eWPLt5Qqr9A05A_Ivgaq7Mm4laHSeO8CbjxZCsRrNAO3cZ7Y0rhc26sBhMq3Q1ZT4aA3TG9m0K3150bdPK_W8nIZ836jrSsxO1oUx/s640/IMG_1681_2.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
We sat together on the scratchy plaid fabric of the waiting
room couch, him glancing anxiously over his right shoulder, then his left, then
his right again, me rubbing my hand up and down his back, singing songs in his
ear to comfort him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He signed “home” and “car” over and over again, my boy whose
words are spoken through his hands. “Home, mama, home. Please. Car.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I tried to reassure him that this was a “no hurt” visit—that
the doctor is his “friend.” I talked back to him with my hands and my voice—and
the most calm my mama voice could muster.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj42Q-wvtiNeCnb8cBMJQkUjJw4L8T0y9keRAfC4vvWxX2gAJoiLY7KGyfU1t4mglK03bZGmD1uJV2db7xmmfPKNnm2lGxEdXlD6anzGAMsm86tDDoIzTLD0czkRLim3ov251pg9YC1hcoS/s1600/IMG_1783.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj42Q-wvtiNeCnb8cBMJQkUjJw4L8T0y9keRAfC4vvWxX2gAJoiLY7KGyfU1t4mglK03bZGmD1uJV2db7xmmfPKNnm2lGxEdXlD6anzGAMsm86tDDoIzTLD0czkRLim3ov251pg9YC1hcoS/s640/IMG_1783.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I turned my head away from him, glancing at two women
sitting across from us who were having a conversation. When I glanced back at
my boy, there were tears streaming down his cheeks. He was wiping them away
furiously, this silent stream, pooling in soft circles wiped away by his chubby
fingers. He squinted his eyes and the tears flowed even more furiously. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Quietly, announcing with a wet seriousness that this boy was scared.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These were the first scared tears I’d seen on my boy’s
face—this boy who was abandoned at three days old in China, who spent his first
18 months in a poor, neglectful orphanage, was finally learning to feel
emotion.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEvQpYm9B4CLcRyfwjYaE-YjrLwFwkRc-9AiWF_8Pjq_3yWhyphenhyphenj449uuHGWiXPySxW7nt8wHtKVV7E1RdEnNLEajxnIxmxNLCIFkSb10TqDql2KKC4veZLOXv-RNJyXVBdGzFU9Ht4BSJLD/s1600/IMG_1863.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEvQpYm9B4CLcRyfwjYaE-YjrLwFwkRc-9AiWF_8Pjq_3yWhyphenhyphenj449uuHGWiXPySxW7nt8wHtKVV7E1RdEnNLEajxnIxmxNLCIFkSb10TqDql2KKC4veZLOXv-RNJyXVBdGzFU9Ht4BSJLD/s640/IMG_1863.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My heart felt this kind of conflicted mess of sadness and
joy for him—sadness in the way any mama holds her baby’s emotions close,
wanting to protect him, scare away the monsters hiding under his bed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But joy because this boy is finally learning to feel—to
emote—to join the communion of the human family in all its conflicted emotions
with depth and meaning and purpose.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSaDbg4n6cvRv4XIy6lCzGepxlXCxB5cfV-oJ5kfpEE_Q3rT2Cv0f1oYhibVR5OcElCpImV0v2vBuh_lKEYGcn9L5rMWeejUyZ0mUMjVWmN6j5BexQQu2GxwKoTZ4f8fE0gYj3MNUoRITO/s1600/IMG_2038.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSaDbg4n6cvRv4XIy6lCzGepxlXCxB5cfV-oJ5kfpEE_Q3rT2Cv0f1oYhibVR5OcElCpImV0v2vBuh_lKEYGcn9L5rMWeejUyZ0mUMjVWmN6j5BexQQu2GxwKoTZ4f8fE0gYj3MNUoRITO/s640/IMG_2038.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This boy is my teacher—this wise spiritual guide who has
shaped and taught me more than anyone or anything else in my life. This boy
with his big heart, his developmental delays, his absence of spoken language.
It seems that every day I learn something new about myself by loving and caring
for him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The mystery is profound to me, kind of like his tears.<o:p></o:p></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-53201222485927456732016-02-07T09:10:00.002-08:002016-02-07T09:10:15.989-08:00Balance<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the challenges I feel on a daily basis is trying to
find the right balance for our family. I suppose this is something every family
deals with in their own way: busy children and working parents make for a busy
pace of life that can become rather unsustainable if its not kept in check.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNbmON5gNhBUHHaasj1LEOxJ6SksicVfYZdP3gYVzYg6RhmKw2QwBTwzrdczN9UEfxYPIevp6Q1DsFHEG2n0OEFs86reYcrJob2XvtXcOh2MFAukJZJEDFK1G-1MiBBc_AwaWQs9tn7iTy/s1600/IMG_2198.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNbmON5gNhBUHHaasj1LEOxJ6SksicVfYZdP3gYVzYg6RhmKw2QwBTwzrdczN9UEfxYPIevp6Q1DsFHEG2n0OEFs86reYcrJob2XvtXcOh2MFAukJZJEDFK1G-1MiBBc_AwaWQs9tn7iTy/s640/IMG_2198.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But with a Matthew in our family, this is especially
important. Rather than needing a full agenda of social activities and things to
do, Matthew thrives on a simpler schedule. He values people spending time with
him and activities that help him build his skills and his language. Big
parties, fancy activities and exciting adventures come in second to the more
simple daily routines like eating, resting, reading books and playing together.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH2zt3FLggoZUpfw5FlbV55hyJjFqYtH0J6Ap4AfC_rp4PoV3VaIzG0wyH1V68dn8YUD-C6ScUXx7v4odUDwjzGUylwZ1ozi3gEl9NJoy3kdCP-iyfXgyrZKY6u_60FSfeZhwQR3MEQUwj/s1600/IMG_2426.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH2zt3FLggoZUpfw5FlbV55hyJjFqYtH0J6Ap4AfC_rp4PoV3VaIzG0wyH1V68dn8YUD-C6ScUXx7v4odUDwjzGUylwZ1ozi3gEl9NJoy3kdCP-iyfXgyrZKY6u_60FSfeZhwQR3MEQUwj/s640/IMG_2426.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have to admit, this has been a difficult adjustment for me
to make. I’m a very social and busy person—I thrive on hosting gatherings,
spending time with friends and family, and just being together with people. I
also deeply value alone time and quiet—but neither of these things is best for
Matthew. Not large social events and not time for me to retreat alone to my
room to recharge.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFUOrANOZ6WNHYqr5W1mWav-FaSERTOG8QePhkMgNdFLOOgqjDC210Azltkgf_lHikNqRh9I-kKFp6hKk4yRBnLPWhjugLe1EUejHkTbVzqjPHDQWA0S2T0xsDpqffq2WmJE4Lfl1_KQxo/s1600/IMG_2195.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFUOrANOZ6WNHYqr5W1mWav-FaSERTOG8QePhkMgNdFLOOgqjDC210Azltkgf_lHikNqRh9I-kKFp6hKk4yRBnLPWhjugLe1EUejHkTbVzqjPHDQWA0S2T0xsDpqffq2WmJE4Lfl1_KQxo/s640/IMG_2195.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That doesn’t mean I don’t need them, though. I think it’s
important to recognize that each of us in our family has needs and desires, and
we should work together to meet as many of them as possible in a way that
creates balance for our family.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuivwZ6G-SdjTsTJ_klRMLCoJM4sh5cntGBGiV7EUapymdCP6Tu5bMgPDnDJzXbUnsfjgUVQhgMZEwhMfWaSpe-5DvgQiTynQVanw97dh6U_bX26qzhZPGLdI_CRSM0lna2Jx80wPFFQmu/s1600/IMG_2197.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuivwZ6G-SdjTsTJ_klRMLCoJM4sh5cntGBGiV7EUapymdCP6Tu5bMgPDnDJzXbUnsfjgUVQhgMZEwhMfWaSpe-5DvgQiTynQVanw97dh6U_bX26qzhZPGLdI_CRSM0lna2Jx80wPFFQmu/s640/IMG_2197.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My husband Aaron is gone overnight this weekend. Rather than
this being a stressful time, it’s been a lovely overnight with the kids. I’ve
kept things simple—no big social gatherings or parties. Just us being together
in simple ways. Matthew thrives in this kind of environment. He’s been calm and
focused the whole time Aaron’s been gone, because he’s gotten a significant amount
of my attention. And then when the kids are down, I’ve also gotten a chance to
have some quiet alone time, which I’ve needed too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicLsIRVXYh5lVX5y62gVpi7wTN4-Jbe-Up9D30-uV2AlVMDO_JUsHPhQkDKiuXt2qya6Ossrc1wqPgDFyNn8kVL-SqxuxqA0TMrxsPHrhzVEftTTs48b9u4G4kXwUMZAcPSYNHrW7fKooG/s1600/IMG_2199.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicLsIRVXYh5lVX5y62gVpi7wTN4-Jbe-Up9D30-uV2AlVMDO_JUsHPhQkDKiuXt2qya6Ossrc1wqPgDFyNn8kVL-SqxuxqA0TMrxsPHrhzVEftTTs48b9u4G4kXwUMZAcPSYNHrW7fKooG/s640/IMG_2199.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t know that life with Matthew makes balance any more
challenging than it is in other families—but I do find that I need to be more
intentional about making sure everyone has their needs met.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCHWtJg4tQWqySj8ypOU1qASJs-SyCX6IelKxo00cIhOdFmrMQrs4Z2gFsu8U8geYmxut3JFUDgqAOe7XdRzJsIgRLvZcb6B8JkNFptAy4NLs2EvvSMyhgm7fSZpOfSlYFEho2HdMXA_sB/s1600/IMG_2224.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCHWtJg4tQWqySj8ypOU1qASJs-SyCX6IelKxo00cIhOdFmrMQrs4Z2gFsu8U8geYmxut3JFUDgqAOe7XdRzJsIgRLvZcb6B8JkNFptAy4NLs2EvvSMyhgm7fSZpOfSlYFEho2HdMXA_sB/s640/IMG_2224.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve said it in blog posts before, and I’ll say it again:
the best place for our family, where life feels the most simple and balanced, is
when we are together outside somewhere. Hiking, camping, snowshoeing, playing
on the beach, walking—these are the things that help us feel the most calm and
enjoy being together. Being outside gives us the balance we long for, which is
why we go out together a lot.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I am grateful for weekends like this one, when life is
simple enough for us to enjoy being together. Matthew’s in a good space, and so
am I. That matters a great deal these days.<o:p></o:p></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-7770429064355593972016-01-28T11:22:00.000-08:002016-01-28T11:22:00.866-08:00Where We Are Now<div class="MsoNormal">
We’ve reached a plateau in our adoption and parenting
journey with Matthew, at least that’s how I would describe it. We’re walking
the flat ridge that stretches pretty straight in front of us. We know that
inclines and declines are still ahead, but at this point we aren’t worry about
bracing ourselves for either, because what we see ahead is similar to what we
know already.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our family is coming up on celebrating four years of having
Matthew home. I follow several groups on Facebook that include families
traveling to China to pick up their children. While that journey is familiar to
me and I remember ours well, it also seems like it’s been a while since we did
travel. Back then life was full of adoption questions—of doubts, of fears, of
anticipation and excitement. It was a good season, but the farther down the
road we get, the more I realize that it was exactly that: a season.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc4f_S2e3wLPxvoz3piNwqW8G7hGJDteho3l9TbQySKI-xGPaDNrFMMaKsVIoeqNvImX793sw_mazW-jCtfb1BEk9PUsezh3MtGQS52biyIiTUB2wO4mNj8l26ImeoQMhIrMrxCmaVvJzv/s1600/IMG_1322.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc4f_S2e3wLPxvoz3piNwqW8G7hGJDteho3l9TbQySKI-xGPaDNrFMMaKsVIoeqNvImX793sw_mazW-jCtfb1BEk9PUsezh3MtGQS52biyIiTUB2wO4mNj8l26ImeoQMhIrMrxCmaVvJzv/s640/IMG_1322.jpg" width="480" /></a></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now we’re in the living season. The digging-in-and
settling-in-and-doing-life season. In some ways I miss the big moments that the
adoption season brought us, but in other ways I’m grateful for the chance to
get down to just living life. It’s a good place to be.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thought it might be helpful to give a few updates about
Matthew, as I know many people still find themselves to our blog and are
interested in what the path is like after a child is home. Ours is just one
story, as I always remind people, and each child and family are different. But
I learned a lot from reading about the stories of others (and still do) so I
put this forth hoping it gives wisdom or ideas to someone else.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Developmental: </b>Matthew
finished one 12-week course of an ABA-based treatment program for Autism in the
fall at our local children’s neurological center. It was a good experience for
him, but perhaps it was even more helpful for Aaron and me (and my parents,
too, who also participated). It gave all of us tools to use when parenting a
child on the autism spectrum who also exhibits ADHD and sensory processing
disorder behaviors. Matthew’s still a busy guy, still working to settle himself
in the social world, but we all know better how to help him do that. We all
feel more confident managing his challenging behaviors. This is such a good
thing. And we are working to see if our insurance company will approve a second
12-week session of autism preschool this spring. The teachers and we both feel
like another round would really benefit Matthew. He also continues to attend
his morning developmental preschool program in the school district where we
live. This program doesn’t help as much with his developmental challenges, but
it does give him a rich learning environment where he can practice his social
and intellectual skills. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Craniofacial: </b>I
just made our annual appointment with the Craniofacial Center at Seattle
Children’s Hospital. It’s been a rather quiet craniofacial season for us. We
were there last August seeing the craniofacial speech language
pathologist—hoping to rule out VPI (velopharanyngeal palatal insufficiency)—but
unfortunately Matthew doesn’t yet have enough spoken language to make this
determination. When I made our appointment this year, I was told that there is
a possibility Matthew might need a lip repair surgery this summer before starts
kindergarten. I WAS SHOCKED. Honestly. Our craniofacial team hadn’t previously
said anything about another surgery this summer, and Matthew is making so much
progress with his speech production—moving his lips into position—that the idea
of surgery that interferes with the muscle movements of his lip makes me
terrified. I believe this procedure is “elective,” which means we can likely
say NO. But of course I also want to make all decisions about surgery with
thought, the right amount of input/wisdom from doctors, and also in larger consideration
of Matthew and his development. I’ll keep you posted and hope we can work it
out to skip this surgery so as to keep Matthew’s language development intact
and moving forward.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Speech/Language</b>:
Well, our boy still isn’t talking in sentences, but he’s doing a lot more word
approximations and using a ton of signs. I’d really like to seek out a speech
apraxia evaluation and hopeful diagnosis for Matthew, because every doctor and
speech therapist who sees him agrees he has a motor planning problem or oral
motor delay which is contributing to his lack of spoken language. We also have
an appointment at Seattle Children’s in late February for an evaluation in
their communication center—and we hope the outcome of that is a
referral/prescription for an alternative communication device (which will
likely be an iPad with a speech program on it).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Since Matthew starts developmental kindergarten in the fall, it would be
wonderful if he could be in that program with a way to communicate with his
classmates. The biggest challenge in Matthew’s speech/language development to
me is that he has so many factors impacting his delays. There’s the oral motor
delay, which means he actually can’t form words. But then there are his many
social delays. We haven’t had much luck finding a speech therapist who
advocates for supporting him in both ways—most of our team either wants to
support the social OR the motor. That’s been rather frustrating to me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In terms of just being a general little guy, Matthew is
still very socially different than his peers (and honestly, different from all
other little kids). He exhibits some autistic behaviors in terms of his lack of
communication and inability to read the social environments in which he lives.
Sensory processing disorder also plays a huge role in his impulsive, hyper
behavior. But he can also be warm and connecting—he makes eye contact readily
when asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbhA_J5WFCa5q7k_2Z8zhQxli9zOc7wDTyZaTyaycb6TFW7yOuD5ALu_rIJrmTX1S__fdaAIg2a6L-YfCdO0d1PSPJ4brdLH0-s8Qfg9C0NrJAvQxgTI-DScJ7qPb59q6npb4vqbEpCl5C/s1600/IMG_1324.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbhA_J5WFCa5q7k_2Z8zhQxli9zOc7wDTyZaTyaycb6TFW7yOuD5ALu_rIJrmTX1S__fdaAIg2a6L-YfCdO0d1PSPJ4brdLH0-s8Qfg9C0NrJAvQxgTI-DScJ7qPb59q6npb4vqbEpCl5C/s640/IMG_1324.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The biggest thing about Matthew in this new season is his
willingness to smile and laugh. It’s like he finally found his smile once
again. Yohan, who is Matthew’s caregiver, took all the photos in this post—and I
just love the variety of smiles and happy faces that Matthew exhibits.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s a good life—a busy life, which is why I haven’t blogged
more in recent months. We are still living daily with the impact of Matthew’s
cleft lip and palate and the neglectful orphanage in which he spent his first
18 months. But we also know that every day, every week, every month that he is
in our family gives him just that much more opportunity to grow and learn at
his own pace. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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And for that, we are most certainly grateful.<o:p></o:p></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-59160411413035211292015-10-03T21:28:00.002-07:002015-10-03T21:28:20.222-07:00Saturday morning<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">It's a beautiful sunny, Saturday morning, and I just
got home from a walk with Matthew and the dog around our neighborhood. We are
midway through a day filled with many soccer games. We just returned from my
nephew’s game earlier this morning, and in a few minutes will head out the door
again to watch my middle son play with his team.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535;">While walking on this glorious fall morning, it dawned on me
that even though we do have moments our house that feel hard and overwhelming,
I'm grateful that most of the normal times feel exactly that: normal. Perhaps
to some families, our family life looks a little irregular. I suppose it
is, but it's also the only thing we know anymore.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">I think one of the biggest challenges about parenting a child
with special needs is finding enough time to rest and have a break. Yes, I do
wake in the middle of the night worrying about the future, but I'm more likely
to worry about tomorrow and when on earth I'm going to find even a
minute to myself. I'm sure this situation is made worse because of the busy
frenzy with which current parents and children live. Our post-modern parenting
world is full of too many choices, opportunities to fill our lives full to the
brim, all in the name of giving our kids the best childhood we can.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">What's funny is that for me as a parent, what I really worry
about isn't letting my kids participate in every single activity, but hoping
that they are getting the meaningful and purposeful childhood that I was lucky
enough to have.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">There is always a way to fill the schedule too full and end up
feeling exhausted and worn out all the time. I think this can even be a bigger
problem when parenting a child with special needs. There is more energy needed,
more constant vigilance, more time and support, than with most neurotypical
kids. At least that is the case in our family. So one of the challenges I've
given myself these days is to really evaluate our lives and figure out how to
make our days simpler so I can get the break that I need once in a while. I
know Aaron needs a break too. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">On sunny Saturday mornings when I've gotten enough sleep and have
the energy to problem solve, I'm encouraged by the thought that there are
breaks to be had if only I plan for them. No, I can't control the future, but I
can create enough rest and downtime in our family so that I don't continually
wake up at 2:00 a.m. worrying about the next day, the next week, or
10 years from now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">I'm trying to do this better. I have said 100 times that this
parenting journey with Matthew continues to refine and shape me in ways I never
expected. Here, then, is another example of just that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">It is actually a sweet sort of life we live most days . . . When
Matthew is doing okay and is acting rather even, when we keep our lives simple
enough to get some rest, and when we each have a chance to have a break, then
it's all very doable. I don't want you to think it's terrible and hard all the
time, but the reality is we do have some very hard days as well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #353535; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><br /></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #353535; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">It's an adventure, no way around it. One I'm both grateful for
and terrified of, but I suppose both fear and gratitude our normal parts of
living a full and meaningful life. A Saturday filled with sunshine and fresh
air certainly helps me keep some perspective about it all. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-77189702263485869502015-09-30T09:47:00.003-07:002015-09-30T09:47:34.658-07:00The 2:00 a.m. Brain<div class="MsoNormal">
As any parent of a child with special needs can tell you
(and probably any <u>parent</u> can tell you), there’s always a chance you will
wake up at 2:00 a.m. with a kind of fear in your heart. It’s not every night,
thankfully—not even most nights, truly. But at least for me, it does happen
with some regularity, and it’s never fun.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I start my post with that paragraph simply to say that this has been a season
of 2:00 a.m. wakeups for me. Don’t get me wrong—it’s also been a season of
lovely new adventures, measured growth in development, and plenty of time to
play and have fun. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple weeks ago, we entered back into the school year
routine. Matthew is doing two preschool programs right now: the school district
developmental preschool in the morning and then an intense autism day treatment
preschool program each afternoon. The autism preschool requires six hours each
week of involvement from our family, which we are thankfully spreading between
Aaron, my parents, and me. However, the drop offs and pickups, the transitions,
and the shuttling from one program to another has left me feeling extremely worn
out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuEPYaH45VigNyGft0CkQAWJx84-M_dYvNJ_krLzafdGXxL3LwpcgPOfw_1yNQNKD8jdDEe-bnSuA3wdDM5bgsyvjqEIF1niP7LYRdYjV_4ekzFfOsZ-SwMvd_cxTnBpkPnL_4ry5RRUiu/s1600/IMG_0086.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuEPYaH45VigNyGft0CkQAWJx84-M_dYvNJ_krLzafdGXxL3LwpcgPOfw_1yNQNKD8jdDEe-bnSuA3wdDM5bgsyvjqEIF1niP7LYRdYjV_4ekzFfOsZ-SwMvd_cxTnBpkPnL_4ry5RRUiu/s640/IMG_0086.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="text-align: center;">So why do we do these things? Because we continue to have
such high hopes for our boy. The progress is slow (always) but it’s there,
which is encouraging and hopeful for me.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I must admit, if I’m being honest, that I’ve spent much of
the past week wishing our story with Matthew was different than it is. My heart
turns toward jealousy when I see all the photos on Facebook of children coming
home from China who have normal development—who adjust well and start speaking
English and fit right into the family routines and family life. I grieve the
loss of the child I hoped would come home—my third child, a kiddo who could
develop normally, learn to talk, and now be a typical four-year-old.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Instead I spend my days with a child who barely acknowledges
me—who struggles to communicate his needs and soothes himself with autistic
tics like hitting his head, hurting parts of his own body, spitting on his
hands and smearing the spit into his hair, or throwing toys with great force.
We have dents in our walls and woodwork, a pile of broken or destroyed toys
that sit on a shelf until we finally shuttle them to the garbage can, hoping
our big kids don’t see the destruction their youngest brother has wreaked on
their favorite childhood toys. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiydXKNzX3O0JvIONIgKWNb0AiMTApRy1ASBtw8mmi_SDVe26ZMV_RAKR_gnatz5nOATAEnK0ekVfcB7fHZM8zeNDZ97dBxxeGTZnwhHx23bvXSCZ-UKZh9BrBzDaz19_prMDDZEHLDZ5Vc/s1600/IMG_0155.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiydXKNzX3O0JvIONIgKWNb0AiMTApRy1ASBtw8mmi_SDVe26ZMV_RAKR_gnatz5nOATAEnK0ekVfcB7fHZM8zeNDZ97dBxxeGTZnwhHx23bvXSCZ-UKZh9BrBzDaz19_prMDDZEHLDZ5Vc/s640/IMG_0155.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We’re seeing signs of stress on our older children right now
too—earlier this week when I asked her to quiet her piano playing, my daughter
said, “Why don’t you ask Matthew to shut up instead. He’s the truly loud one in
the family.” I was slightly aghast at her reaction, but I also identified with
the feelings she expressed. Four of us in our family spend our days tiptoeing
around the fifth—keeping the house quiet when he’s sleeping, adapting our
routines to make sure he can watch his favorite television show or eat a meal
when he’s hungry. Unfortunately Matthew has very little tolerance for delayed
gratification—probably because he doesn’t have enough language to really
understand what it means—so we pick our battles carefully. We do tell him “no” regularly—but
it’s always a battle to help him understand. Re-directing his attention is our
only real hope of success.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes the big questions loom—who will our boy be as he
gets older? What delays and challenges will he outgrow and what will stay with
him for his lifetime? How do we do some of the “normal” things our family likes
to do, like traveling and eating meals at restaurants? (We haven’t had a meal
out together since Matthew was about two-years old). Is it okay to continue
with some of those things we love, even if it means leaving Matthew behind?
Will he be sad or impacted? Does he even know?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Right now, during this particular season, it’s impossible to
leave Matthew unattended for even a minute. Maybe that doesn’t sound like much
of a big deal—a normal thing with raising children—but by the time my big kids
were about three, I could be doing things in other parts of the house, trusting
they would come find me when they needed something. Matthew is almost five and
we have been attending to him in a very intense way since he came home from
China. Destruction ensues when we don’t keep our eye on him. He’s also become
very demanding in terms of our attention. This is actually a good thing—he’s
learning to value social interactions—but in the normal routine of life, after
a long day of work, it feels really overwhelming to me some days.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some days I cry for no reason. Well, actually for good
reason: the weight of this life feels very heavy upon my shoulders. It’s easy
for us to feel isolated and alone.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s hard even to write these words—I’m such a “glass half
full” person in general. But I also feel called to be honest about our
journey—to tell the truth when it is hard. Recently I’ve read a couple posts
from adoptive parents who are walking a similar journey as we are. Each time I
stumble upon something like that, I feel buoyed and encouraged by someone
else’s shared experience.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I do know that it’s not even as hard as it could be around
here. I think of kiddos who are battling childhood cancer or a parent who is
caring for a child like Matthew on his/her own with no partner beside. Some
children spend their lives in wheelchairs with mobility issues or are prone to
very violent, destructive behavior. These are all very hard stories, and I feel
deeply for anyone walking a hard path.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But when our family story feels heavy beyond what I can
tolerate, then I find myself awake at 2 a.m. worrying about the little things.
How will I get through today? What will tomorrow bring? Will this be my life
and my story forever?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know these questions don’t have concrete answers, and they
probably aren’t even the most helpful questions to be asking all the time. But
I wasn’t expecting so much grief and loss in this adoption journey. I wasn’t
prepared for the jealous twinge in my heart when I look around and see other
families and their “easy” adopted kids. In some ways it feels random and unfair
to me—why did <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">they</i> get a kid who is
easy while mine is so very difficult? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And yet I’m the first person to say I don’t believe life is
“random” or “fair.” I do believe in the Holy Spirit’s calling, and I believe in
a God who equips us for the challenges we face. Some nights, around 3:00 a.m.,
I finally remember these truths and begin to breathe into them with my body,
and a kind of loving presence fills and covers me until I fall back asleep. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGJEonvZJCNNfP2xSgvpPa0Fxkiglc_FE-pjqFcxmRy8Q7FIycq5GiDoEe9rOB4-jWPbTYdKqqVz8HyTDUYpDtAzmIkzrc6JKnhx7SvwyROgrthuIoHpfPjkiM8_Cw5JGmm18kWonZ8Fq0/s1600/IMG_0172.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGJEonvZJCNNfP2xSgvpPa0Fxkiglc_FE-pjqFcxmRy8Q7FIycq5GiDoEe9rOB4-jWPbTYdKqqVz8HyTDUYpDtAzmIkzrc6JKnhx7SvwyROgrthuIoHpfPjkiM8_Cw5JGmm18kWonZ8Fq0/s640/IMG_0172.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s that loving presence that helps me survive each day
right now. It’s that presence that soothes me like a mama, teaching me how to
soothe my boy. And even when all else is extinguished, there remains a tiny
flame of hope in my heart—burning quietly but steadily, even at 2:00 a.m. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s a season, I keep telling myself. This too shall pass. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Oh how I hope those words are true.<o:p></o:p></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-31656653634596226812015-07-21T22:09:00.003-07:002015-07-21T22:11:15.838-07:00Some updates<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Since my blog is read regularly by people in the process of international adoption, I’ve been wanting to post an update about some particular areas of our adoption that might be relevant to others who are behind us in the process—especially those considering or in process to bring home a child with a cleft lip and palate or a kiddo with developmental delays:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="text-align: center;">1) VPI:</b><span style="text-align: center;"> One of the possible concerns for a cleft lip and palate kiddo is “Velopharanyngeal Insufficiency” (VPI). This means, in a nutshell, that the soft palate cannot close properly, which leads to a situation where children with repaired palates cannot make the wide variety of sounds needed for language development. Matthew is still very delayed in his verbal communication, and at this point can only make a few sounds with his mouth (most of the vowels, plus a couple consonants including “m,” “y,” and sometimes “n”). </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">One of the complications with Matthew is that we also suspect he has an oral motor delay. When we ask him to imitate sounds, he is literally unable to copy the sounds we make with his mouth. Our ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat doctor, otherwise known as an otolaryngologist) has suggested that there is a very likely correlation between Matthew’s palate functioning incorrectly and an oral motor delay that is also neurological.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Since Matthew has other neurological delays (including social delays, impulsive behavior, and behaviors that look very similar to Autism Spectrum Disorder), his language delays could all be part of larger neurological issues. But we also want to make sure the structure of his mouth, particularly his soft palate, is such that he CAN actually make the sounds required of him for language. We have an appointment scheduled for August 6 with an SLP at Seattle Children’s who will perform an hour-long diagnostic session determining whether Matthew’s palate is structurally sound for proper closure in language formation.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBONTG85vpPpz-jLRb1cmX9yPLoR7gGLpA19AAX0S_VIBlQBYSu-DPfaePMh0ipZ6DOu0DPemTUZNMpW2l6YaTx0xJ7w946DL_pC4kJ1xownIrOLfwAZjsAVAbm_yiWoAtVpxJrbvibcfK/s1600/IMG_0939.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBONTG85vpPpz-jLRb1cmX9yPLoR7gGLpA19AAX0S_VIBlQBYSu-DPfaePMh0ipZ6DOu0DPemTUZNMpW2l6YaTx0xJ7w946DL_pC4kJ1xownIrOLfwAZjsAVAbm_yiWoAtVpxJrbvibcfK/s640/IMG_0939.JPG" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>2) Autism Day Treatment Program: </b>We are thrilled that we’ve been accepted into a local day treatment program for Autism that has received great acclaim and is having incredible success in helping kids with social delays. Whether or not Matthew truly has Autism Spectrum Disorder or is just really impacted because of such a neglectful orphanage experience, we do feel like the diagnosis of ASD at this time is a good one for allowing him to receive services and support. The program he will be completing is an intensive 12-week program that requires parents to be in the classroom 50% of the time. This is a big time commitment for our family, but we are willing to put in the time if it yields success for Matthew. I’ll keep you posted as to how it goes.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirxszM6fEZVLv84JLi4oHuI1Nsh6nHvDpipIJnzxTFQfE3DouOTdbOZ4KJPNT7OcAVPmcLQ9UInGZ-B0BJegRpnk7Od9xQQAa51X8gty9JpQOq4_F0PrdPPxWi54jgMWEdTW1k0y_lQI_v/s1600/IMG_0964.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirxszM6fEZVLv84JLi4oHuI1Nsh6nHvDpipIJnzxTFQfE3DouOTdbOZ4KJPNT7OcAVPmcLQ9UInGZ-B0BJegRpnk7Od9xQQAa51X8gty9JpQOq4_F0PrdPPxWi54jgMWEdTW1k0y_lQI_v/s640/IMG_0964.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>3) IEPs and school placement</b>: When Matthew turned three, our local school district wrote an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) for him which includes several hours a week of developmental preschool services. He was in a traditional developmental program until this past March, when we moved him to an extended day, ABA-focused autism program. He made incredible strides for the four months he was in that classroom. However, at the end of the year we learned that that particular program had been discontinued in the district. I was told it had something to do with new “best practices in autism,” but honestly I also believe it’s a funding and bussing issue. I’ve had many conversations with folks in the special services department of our district, and we’re still working out the best placement for Matthew with the most support. I remember teaching high school and being the “teacher” at an IEP meeting. Now I’m one of “those parents,” advocating for my child and the optimal environment in which his learning needs will be met. It takes a lot of work but it’s also really worth it.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV203GYpmD1qf8hlG0sof-_wMCmdg74UU82LXXFcA3aPBMLFtuSl9SSYjADpvwQo1-LOi-am2Xr-MHuhJelGUrtWQ5CK67Ujcg8AzRnSrqM6Njw70NHg2C81HLcswkzn3_ioTkq7-ymKpc/s1600/IMG_0991.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV203GYpmD1qf8hlG0sof-_wMCmdg74UU82LXXFcA3aPBMLFtuSl9SSYjADpvwQo1-LOi-am2Xr-MHuhJelGUrtWQ5CK67Ujcg8AzRnSrqM6Njw70NHg2C81HLcswkzn3_ioTkq7-ymKpc/s640/IMG_0991.JPG" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I was recently asked to be a speaker at our local courthouse on National Adoption Day 2015, which is the Friday before Thanksgiving. I have said “yes” to this request, but I’m thinking about what I might want to say on that day. I still believe deeply in adoption—for our family and for others who believe it’s what they are supposed to do as well. But being on this side of the process, in the thick of parenting a child with significant developmental delays, I’ve also lost my rose-colored glasses and see how hard this can be. I’m glad we did it—for Matthew, who now has a home and a family to advocate for him through all this—and for us and the many ways our adoption has changed us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have decided to wait a few months and see what kind of wisdom finds me—what my heart tells me to say about adoption on National Adoption Day. I do know a few things: I love my kid, I don’t regret adopting, and I’m trying to keep myself open to the many ways we are being shaped and changed because of having Matthew in our lives.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3GjISBBPiiIcq4Q9Ug-o44L1o3trnr5-_iFUYV2H61m1Smfkex5WJ_E3w4bQdP34HWQeFzewDPZHQ9SCe4Eb_cJHavdQfcTmN9umcJ695qqT11z-RQQxMphBQQKgPqhn4dxMUW3-QeXoD/s1600/IMG_1175.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3GjISBBPiiIcq4Q9Ug-o44L1o3trnr5-_iFUYV2H61m1Smfkex5WJ_E3w4bQdP34HWQeFzewDPZHQ9SCe4Eb_cJHavdQfcTmN9umcJ695qqT11z-RQQxMphBQQKgPqhn4dxMUW3-QeXoD/s640/IMG_1175.JPG" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Matthew’s been with us for three years now—that’s twice as long as he lived in the orphanage. He is truly ours in so many ways. And I’m truly grateful to have him. Thanks for joining us on this crazy ride!</span></div>
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Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-14294140644994945422015-06-13T10:30:00.003-07:002015-06-13T10:30:36.696-07:00A family outsideThere is no place our family is happier than when we are out and about, having adventures. We're all especially happy in the woods or on a trail--or even just playing in the backyard.<br />
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The arrival of summer affords us the pleasure of spending a lot of our time in the fresh air. We've planned many adventures in the coming weeks that will take us away from home and into the woods or mountains.<br />
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As we count down the days until school is out (3!), we're squeezing in some outside fun to whet our appetites for a long and glorious summer in the fresh air.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Matthew had a lot of fun at friends' house with this little shopping cart.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnmd0kede0NPS8SN2gUSEEF3Kbmk9frQmKwq6ODBmpTdtnsXTAKnNT0t75XX-mvPlERmSsmq_Z3V6NvkdsKpFxEGnGPb7lJXBT67XnwIOhCn9mvQ8JwLi08xGxpA84KWHGR2i0ZQkzay2s/s1600/IMG_0573.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnmd0kede0NPS8SN2gUSEEF3Kbmk9frQmKwq6ODBmpTdtnsXTAKnNT0t75XX-mvPlERmSsmq_Z3V6NvkdsKpFxEGnGPb7lJXBT67XnwIOhCn9mvQ8JwLi08xGxpA84KWHGR2i0ZQkzay2s/s640/IMG_0573.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our boy just jumped on this bike with training wheels and he was off!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Heading back to the car after a bike ride and some park playtime.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our first al fresco dinner of the summer.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNnK_3f0lBAwIgvhyLG1Qob1EOYWn9c-reLnkTcsD6u99nc4X01fHy_Oz7XjqPx3we30P78ePGJVzLADbrMHVu_v1KmRtn-ft0ONJ2zPRH5etLJVXqr2LeNIzpqMne9ItC7BD1Qt1nusX0/s1600/IMG_0688_2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNnK_3f0lBAwIgvhyLG1Qob1EOYWn9c-reLnkTcsD6u99nc4X01fHy_Oz7XjqPx3we30P78ePGJVzLADbrMHVu_v1KmRtn-ft0ONJ2zPRH5etLJVXqr2LeNIzpqMne9ItC7BD1Qt1nusX0/s640/IMG_0688_2.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Heading somewhere: I love this shot because of Matthew's relaxed car seat position.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjAHSEiJjXCa1E62jYfLUDApv0JerK_ZhWtzulsME1mfKuzQ9PFFj7N6cqlnly5lra7Y3TAxh3xV2aCFwjCfq3cWNWNx7o7hJAjlJKVerxDg3kt8kH9ZLXQ_dTjiCmsPGrpUhTDDNKV-Iw/s1600/IMG_0790_2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjAHSEiJjXCa1E62jYfLUDApv0JerK_ZhWtzulsME1mfKuzQ9PFFj7N6cqlnly5lra7Y3TAxh3xV2aCFwjCfq3cWNWNx7o7hJAjlJKVerxDg3kt8kH9ZLXQ_dTjiCmsPGrpUhTDDNKV-Iw/s640/IMG_0790_2.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A little horse time for Miss Maya.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-69367999098232021942015-05-27T20:34:00.003-07:002015-05-27T20:34:59.204-07:00Swan Mamas<div class="MsoNormal">
Tonight Matthew threw the biggest tantrum I think he’s ever
thrown. It’s hard when he gets so worked up and frustrated—hard to see him so
upset, and also hard to know how to respond. I probably do a terrible job at
it, since I get pretty worked up when he starts throwing toys and hitting me
with his fists. He’s trying to be noticed—trying to tell me something—but I
just don’t know what it is.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tonight I couldn't, for the life of me, figure it out.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWUdmtiHfxgNkYByhBAbXky3KwyX4ro25tkdeVXtTENQjcCUzUPteWmFZHoBAWJrmgwuRluB7sxvkPcWNzYBSl-MKndR9f2eiUeqlfX1CkD8ceGXCKs8MZl57D4rKtpYPvu5WyW9z3WY8N/s1600/IMG_0165.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWUdmtiHfxgNkYByhBAbXky3KwyX4ro25tkdeVXtTENQjcCUzUPteWmFZHoBAWJrmgwuRluB7sxvkPcWNzYBSl-MKndR9f2eiUeqlfX1CkD8ceGXCKs8MZl57D4rKtpYPvu5WyW9z3WY8N/s640/IMG_0165.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We’re seeing increasing frustration from Matthew lately, and
I don’t blame him. He’s signing a bunch and he’s using his body to communicate
now a lot more than he used to (pulling us by the hand, pointing, signing “yes”
and “no”) but he’s still very limited in what he can tell us. I’m sure he feels
a bunch of complex things—feelings, emotions, thoughts—but he has very little
skills to actually communicate those things to us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Which leads to frustration, which leads to meltdowns. Which
leads to giant, huge, hard tantrums like the one tonight.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSkofAdMCoaLqf6BxsbwId0SeLvoCx2i1KpNyZ3TOc-1Zw1Bl_ojqWfx1SZKHwe6ffH5BVlRFb40L7RRq23ffzaXRoi6__ST0XzZuFWvKPgy7jUglzHnON1K_OQ6IlceMNoI-xG_bPqIXn/s1600/IMG_0182.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSkofAdMCoaLqf6BxsbwId0SeLvoCx2i1KpNyZ3TOc-1Zw1Bl_ojqWfx1SZKHwe6ffH5BVlRFb40L7RRq23ffzaXRoi6__ST0XzZuFWvKPgy7jUglzHnON1K_OQ6IlceMNoI-xG_bPqIXn/s640/IMG_0182.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Every day isn’t hard at our house, but there are enough hard
moments that sometimes I want to run and hide in a corner. I’m pretty sure most
people don’t really know what it’s like each day . . . don’t know how sad and
hard and confusing it is to parent a child who is so delayed. Some days I still
feel totally defeated. Some days I have no idea how I’m going to do this for
another day, let alone another decade. I long for an ordinary life—where we can
go out to dinner as a family, have a five-person conversation, leave our kids
with friends while we have a date. These things don’t happen for us. Matthew’s
a hard guy to have for any length of time. It’s also hard on him to be left
somewhere strange or unknown. He’s not very adaptable. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And yet miracles abound in this life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple months ago I read a book called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Swan Mothers: Discovering Our True Selves by
Parenting Uniquely Magnificent Children.</i> It’s by a woman whose son has
autism spectrum disorder and ADHD, just like Matthew. In the book, she writes
about her parenting journey and along with all the hard seasons, the way her
soul is shaped and changed by the unique little boy who is hers. I resonated
with so much of what she wrote—I felt the hard moments because I know them in
my own life. But I also celebrated the small acts of mercy, the support of
community, those “a-ha” moments with our “unique” children that make us want to
weep..<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLc7XuzmxLRkMOwTz4JNvbD7mPtZFFdZFsXTtE2p8hEL3Sam7lRGPWls7ojczTo-GqjFMlO19SqNGlpb-SF4HLBnEPj-F6jLhh5A8-pxC7jqHSEAKLpxWOLRwDe0cqN379Mg0PO7haHcd0/s1600/IMG_0502.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLc7XuzmxLRkMOwTz4JNvbD7mPtZFFdZFsXTtE2p8hEL3Sam7lRGPWls7ojczTo-GqjFMlO19SqNGlpb-SF4HLBnEPj-F6jLhh5A8-pxC7jqHSEAKLpxWOLRwDe0cqN379Mg0PO7haHcd0/s640/IMG_0502.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s making me stronger. Aaron too. Without knowing it or
asking for it, we are being changed in pretty incredible ways because we have
Matthew to love and care for.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just this very morning, I had a woman who works with me come
up and say, “I heard you talking to someone about how you have a son with ADHD.
I wonder if I can ask you some questions.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Turns out, she’s really struggling with her nine-year old
son. In addition to ADHD, he also has a really hard genetic condition. She’s
drowning with behavioral issues, and she feels really alone. She is desperately
in need of a behavioral specialist who can help suggest some strategies in
parenting her son. She’s discouraged and feels like a “bad parent.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I almost started to cry as she shared her story with me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3gxa-FAMVPVunJF1GAUb7ht7J2p19mJFsh2q73nAFN4uVBpJArOEs2O0SNRMglMrHRFWP1b0Sexf_LvjyhwYU0_3g-JrrKS9rKo4Zz1V8WDQItEnQhSpC0yDX4RAY32aDPLLBvVI8Vpnu/s1600/IMG_0512.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3gxa-FAMVPVunJF1GAUb7ht7J2p19mJFsh2q73nAFN4uVBpJArOEs2O0SNRMglMrHRFWP1b0Sexf_LvjyhwYU0_3g-JrrKS9rKo4Zz1V8WDQItEnQhSpC0yDX4RAY32aDPLLBvVI8Vpnu/s640/IMG_0512.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Turns out we’re not the only ones who are struggling to
parent a “unique” child. Turns out there’s a whole army of moms and dads who
feel isolated and lost—who are angry about the path they now have to walk, who
feel guilty for feeling angry, and who dearly love their child even though it’s
hard.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A dear friend and I started this “adoptive mom group” in our
neighborhood. We’ve met a few times and it’s been nice, but we were reflecting a
couple days ago that really instead of an adoptive mom group, what we need even
more is a “mom with a kid who has challenging behaviors” group. This scenario
isn’t unique to adoption—in fact it’s present in all sorts of parent-child
relationships. Struggling kids, especially kids with neuro-challenges, make for
really hard family life and challenging parenting situations. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And there are many people I know who are struggling.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqNLCWL0fWK2AM2NumJdYP1U2yGClHaZHpKEJnSfTVv8lB9BP_cv_Rzq_NNqkRQZFl6oNO-H16-7eCkj86VSKwFdZpYz5C4Uuv9kw5Zg3-EtkN3yidqcMJ0w95-YLc5CrOo1f5ymBjek7C/s1600/IMG_0608.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqNLCWL0fWK2AM2NumJdYP1U2yGClHaZHpKEJnSfTVv8lB9BP_cv_Rzq_NNqkRQZFl6oNO-H16-7eCkj86VSKwFdZpYz5C4Uuv9kw5Zg3-EtkN3yidqcMJ0w95-YLc5CrOo1f5ymBjek7C/s640/IMG_0608.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On nights like tonight, when Matthew is raging for some
unknown (but likely VERY valid) reason, I try to hold tight to the things I
know are true:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">1) Matthew is in our family for a reason. I’m not
sure I know what it is, or why this boy ended up with us, but there is purpose
in him being in our lives.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">2) We have the tools and resources to love and care
for him, even though it’s hard.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">3) We are being changed by this
experience—profoundly changed. Radically, to-the-core-of-our-being changed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">4) We don’t have to be alone in this journey—we can
reach out to other parents who “get it” and find support, kind words, caring
hearts, and encouragement.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please, if you have a child who is hard, don’t be a
stranger. Email or call me—tell me your story. Find other swan mamas, like me,
who are also on this journey of discovery. It’s hard, but it doesn’t have to be
unbearable. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
And it might just change your life, if you're brave enough to let it.<o:p></o:p></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-37436582501282539572015-03-30T22:35:00.003-07:002015-03-30T22:35:34.256-07:00Loving this boy<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m sorry I haven’t been a very good blogger lately. As I
said in earlier posts, I’m getting to the point in our adoption journey with
Matthew where I’m struggling to know how much to share in such a public venue.
This is Matthew’s story, after all, and while I’ve never tried to tell the
story from any perspective but my own, I’m trying to discern where that magic
line is where I tell stories that aren’t mine to tell.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4b0WCFXYw2Zgi1ojSvtShhFZUH7gESeVNE3QFbmsGSNtvhQ512DaG_6a1XPSpYZk8N6n0OEulFfjcpubyHTWDbmQB6kJcnuZRlKi4kPGHInNEOTA90PcECJTAXtBjpe0Khxml5Xi1pU_8/s1600/IMG_7138.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4b0WCFXYw2Zgi1ojSvtShhFZUH7gESeVNE3QFbmsGSNtvhQ512DaG_6a1XPSpYZk8N6n0OEulFfjcpubyHTWDbmQB6kJcnuZRlKi4kPGHInNEOTA90PcECJTAXtBjpe0Khxml5Xi1pU_8/s1600/IMG_7138.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve also realized lately that I’ve become good at talking
about the things that are hard—and believe me, there have been many hard things
in this adoption journey. I have wanted to be honest about our adoption
story—particularly the hard things I wasn’t expecting. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There continue to be
changes and movements with Matthew in his development. We’ve done some genetic
testing (which revealed nothing—a relief, to be honest!) which helps us rule
out any kind of large genetic concerns, but also affirms even more that
Matthew’s delays and challenges are due to poor prenatal care or a lack of
stimulation and attention during his early months of development. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are also working hard to support his development by
moving him to a preschool that provides extra support in Matthew’s social
development (with an extended day schedule) and having regular consults with a
behavioral specialist who knows and works closely with kids on the autism
spectrum who have behavioral issues due to language and communication delays.
All these things have been helpful in providing more clarity about Mathew’s
delays.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These are all good things—moving us forward to give our
kiddo as much support as we possibly can.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdbVOcM66Ce7RQQO5BOBNBFOmh1a7Cf7Jh7CnWvdEbpQMKrm7QuqsPiYGgCLIqg-3kq2dWG9hbpNrfJTsHHhOzt8JtlgjFfA4UlU-SwdvUMRcrn3LSzvlUmvOxrYFZkc0P8StUB8NT3ofA/s1600/IMG_7136.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdbVOcM66Ce7RQQO5BOBNBFOmh1a7Cf7Jh7CnWvdEbpQMKrm7QuqsPiYGgCLIqg-3kq2dWG9hbpNrfJTsHHhOzt8JtlgjFfA4UlU-SwdvUMRcrn3LSzvlUmvOxrYFZkc0P8StUB8NT3ofA/s1600/IMG_7136.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But that’s not really the point of my blog post today. Today
I want to be that gushing mama who is so proud of her boy despite his many
delays.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We spent this past weekend at an indoor water park in
Northern Idaho with my husband’s family. Matthew had an amazing time playing in
the water—exploring the river, going down the little kid slides, and just being
a kid in his joy and delight. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But at some point on Sunday morning, he got kind
of tired and I took him for a ride on a raft on the meandering river. He put
his cheek to mine and started to fall asleep in my arms, and I had this
insignificant yet incredibly meaningful moment where I felt his little body in
my arms and his soft cheek pressed against mine, and I realized how much I love
him and am grateful he’s my kid. I write a lot about his delays and challenges,
but truth is, I’m crazy in love with this little boy, just as a mama should be.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRsSWjMQMnQjT1f6z7YQu7yR_KCh_WUUGBgvByMsYGGHBNYdS_2m0DjT2e9K950RSEHJn8miKV06WWfC2kkOBBUFD9f0Uu7q1KiCfvW9Xg-dWi1oaIPVPzTD3rMrCoQtMZCJxAgIaTa031/s1600/IMG_7381.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRsSWjMQMnQjT1f6z7YQu7yR_KCh_WUUGBgvByMsYGGHBNYdS_2m0DjT2e9K950RSEHJn8miKV06WWfC2kkOBBUFD9f0Uu7q1KiCfvW9Xg-dWi1oaIPVPzTD3rMrCoQtMZCJxAgIaTa031/s1600/IMG_7381.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You might meet him and see a boy with delays, but to me he
is perfect and gorgeous and doing just the things he should. I’m certain that
in all the world, I’m his number one cheerleader. I couldn’t be more
over-the-moon about him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t know why this realization surprised me so much.
Perhaps it’s because I spend a lot of my time analyzing Matthew’s delays and
challenges, and trying to find solutions to them, and the shiny luster of the
mama relationship takes on a murky din when so much effort is spent just
getting through each day. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But when I actually have the time to reflect on our
boy, I’m just so in love with him and so proud of how far he’s come. He’s
adorable and his little body is perfectly formed. Yes, he has some strange
behaviors, and he still struggles with communication. He’s a bizarre little guy
in some ways, but all his bizarre behaviors are really normal and familiar to
me, and they are him. And I love him so.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I guess mostly I just want to admit that despite his
imperfections, he’s wonderful and beautiful to me, and I’m grateful to have him
in my life. He’s teaching me so much each day and I wouldn’t trade him or his
delays (and I really mean that) for anything. Matthew is making me the person I
am (just as Maya and Sam are) and each of my three children plays a special
role in helping me love them and others in the world better because I’ve
learned to widen my arms and be more accepting and loving of everyone I meet.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I know that in many ways I have Matthew to thank for
that broadening of my love and my acceptance.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgskF536BP_XCbHPta4GmPZagqi0C5QoXwCkFnQcXF77YZBhXZFQK16KRTuntmN21OmT26p1QpNOizTPTV8UYedSF2CQQqH8tZbUci8JQr8oxEYw8anhSokcuT8UIMk38Gq6Z2Emn0yLzgT/s1600/IMG_7505.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgskF536BP_XCbHPta4GmPZagqi0C5QoXwCkFnQcXF77YZBhXZFQK16KRTuntmN21OmT26p1QpNOizTPTV8UYedSF2CQQqH8tZbUci8JQr8oxEYw8anhSokcuT8UIMk38Gq6Z2Emn0yLzgT/s1600/IMG_7505.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So yes, delays and challenges go on around here, but yes,
I’m also head-over-heels in love with my boy. Every kid needs a mama who loves
him just as he is, and I’m grateful to finally be in a place where I can say
with honesty that I can give Matthew that kind of love. It has changed him for
the better—yes—but it has also changed me.</div>
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Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-77579989231221255992015-03-24T20:43:00.002-07:002015-03-24T20:43:12.848-07:00Two months in photosI'm sorry I've been such a terrible blogger lately. It's actually been a wonderfully full two months, with Matthew starting a new preschool and some big steps for him socially and with his language development. But I'm spending so much time just living each day that I haven't found the quiet moments to reflect and write like I normally do.<br />
<br />
I'll get back to more regular posts, I promise. But for now, here are some pictures, which give you an idea of how we've been spending our time.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI_P5tvvtBolxTs2VdFHRQpUqn6gRA2jjMw1mZyk2H4IwhcO3azakzI__Fc2cYO1WyJlUoCrBPDQa0rYHG3GS4wiDz99Tb3wV64Do3memUQUfb8Nl-yzmI-v1JSp0i5Ufyfuy9MLXZkb5B/s1600/_RBH1281.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI_P5tvvtBolxTs2VdFHRQpUqn6gRA2jjMw1mZyk2H4IwhcO3azakzI__Fc2cYO1WyJlUoCrBPDQa0rYHG3GS4wiDz99Tb3wV64Do3memUQUfb8Nl-yzmI-v1JSp0i5Ufyfuy9MLXZkb5B/s1600/_RBH1281.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sledding in the Cascade Mountains</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0_IOPNZQ5BTqJhYF0tOiMh33lAhEMRFageIEgLNgMMGJ1YvHo87wdlvhI2yPzkUCyZ5gpJ4tyg2xrZ_mcY4fAMgyno3oRztmBSdHAkr5MrU7OMv4zYR1dHdHqnRr7RI1XOwzAxxz6Fldo/s1600/_RBH1386.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0_IOPNZQ5BTqJhYF0tOiMh33lAhEMRFageIEgLNgMMGJ1YvHo87wdlvhI2yPzkUCyZ5gpJ4tyg2xrZ_mcY4fAMgyno3oRztmBSdHAkr5MrU7OMv4zYR1dHdHqnRr7RI1XOwzAxxz6Fldo/s1600/_RBH1386.jpg" height="400" width="398" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These kids were regular daredevils!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXXvANROHyVrxCYyBemO5KPUT6W1Ch2w-v0DkejGstv-2YZvUbo3A8RgCznmjCMVMTju-JHJ6atFnQojaN2MMGI3kJtISvjOzPVc-j_bC1hTqW0MC7wrLU2-eI4ZQoz9_xD3Fx-x9OSN2R/s1600/_RBH1627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXXvANROHyVrxCYyBemO5KPUT6W1Ch2w-v0DkejGstv-2YZvUbo3A8RgCznmjCMVMTju-JHJ6atFnQojaN2MMGI3kJtISvjOzPVc-j_bC1hTqW0MC7wrLU2-eI4ZQoz9_xD3Fx-x9OSN2R/s1600/_RBH1627.jpg" height="400" width="398" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Matthew mostly watched (and thanks to Bebeth for this great photo!)<br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Aaron reading to Matthew and our friend Amara</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sunday walk on the Centennial Trail</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Maya and Sam rode bikes while I jogged.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Watching Cousin Parker's hockey game</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A trip to Port Townsend with our friend Lucie, who visited from Colorado</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Matthew after his first day at his new (full day) preschool</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Maya and her BFF Emma on pajama day at school</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibCBEy_FJo-MaDNuOKUrZEHoupUqWLT6g7tHEYnwBGZEprkr0UhDMxvoVkvC2x3AT4-cQxX6BhqyCOnbi0h_778fp7Z8AbeMNz91LLvkAVflR7U4RvTfDIVkClahxSzvpiW9tFHiWVREdl/s1600/IMG_7589.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibCBEy_FJo-MaDNuOKUrZEHoupUqWLT6g7tHEYnwBGZEprkr0UhDMxvoVkvC2x3AT4-cQxX6BhqyCOnbi0h_778fp7Z8AbeMNz91LLvkAVflR7U4RvTfDIVkClahxSzvpiW9tFHiWVREdl/s1600/IMG_7589.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A canoe ride in one of the canals at Ocean Shores</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A 70-degree day on the Washington Coast. Wow!</td></tr>
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<br />Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-13256600891669742552015-02-10T14:14:00.003-08:002015-02-10T14:14:38.467-08:00Finally a little time<div class="MsoNormal">
As I write this, I’m sitting in the therapy office where
Matthew gets speech therapy and occupational therapy each week. Since his
therapists are enjoying working one-on-one with him right now (without me in
the room), I have the privilege of sitting in the waiting room for over an hour
on Tuesdays, giving me plenty of time to read, email or catch up on writing.
I’ve taken to bringing a cup of tea with me when I sit. It’s funny how I’ve
learned to snatch the quiet moments when I can. You might not think a children’s
therapy waiting room could be soothing, but trust me—in my life, it’s a huge
gift.</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijDq2aBFY3RMaCKNtMeQuD22MtdvVGFVj64fzYK-XcOKTfPduI7BXFf1tALvhnXRM1BuU7NLgSbg2kQbPQcph_QJ4JWhHqxVSXONyXWvF2naQIrs4ZBKFWwG7F8kHCdlYh8SKFNuptP905/s1600/IMG_6810.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijDq2aBFY3RMaCKNtMeQuD22MtdvVGFVj64fzYK-XcOKTfPduI7BXFf1tALvhnXRM1BuU7NLgSbg2kQbPQcph_QJ4JWhHqxVSXONyXWvF2naQIrs4ZBKFWwG7F8kHCdlYh8SKFNuptP905/s1600/IMG_6810.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our boy is getting so tall these days.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been looking for some time to update the blog—the days
are really full right now trying to keep up with the general tasks of living
coupled with the extra tasks required to help support Matthew win his
development. I’m still working on what this blog is—part journal, part
chronicle, part place to record and share stories of parenting Matthew.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But once in a while I feel the need for a basic update,
which at this time is long overdue.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
We’ve had some setbacks in the past several weeks, but we’ve
also jumped ahead several steps, which is exciting to report. The holidays were
hard in many ways—a medication change along with the loss of routine turned our
rather well-adjusted kid into a nightmare-of-a-boy for a few weeks. We’ve moved
through that, gotten Matthew’s meds back on track, found our rhythm again, and
things seem to be moving forward nicely.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLDVANESfYJNvTzu89EYXQMYor6FoBk7E-CdletwSSNVmlvWJyHz_WiRxNURvFu-zT-KDk5dTkh8H3za0PtyaNBvweuoncIXPWZbAMsi048uhJTkFc_jJbCjQLy1x4YSDWbhDUNfUxmE1p/s1600/IMG_6811.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLDVANESfYJNvTzu89EYXQMYor6FoBk7E-CdletwSSNVmlvWJyHz_WiRxNURvFu-zT-KDk5dTkh8H3za0PtyaNBvweuoncIXPWZbAMsi048uhJTkFc_jJbCjQLy1x4YSDWbhDUNfUxmE1p/s1600/IMG_6811.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Love all Matthew's newfound smiles</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are also increased behavioral challenges that are
zapping us of energy, but it’s funny—so much of Matthew’s current behavioral
stuff feels frighteningly familiar to what we dealt with when Maya and Sam were
babies. Defiance, challenging directions, pushing boundaries. I keep telling
myself, “this is Matthew’s job—to figure out where the boundaries and limits
are.” The thing that makes everything one notch more intense is that we’re
parenting Matthew without his ability to talk to us. So trying to find the
motivation in his behavior sis hard, as is finding a currency that works well
for consequences (no T.V., time outs or time ins, taking away toys, etc.).
Things have gotten challenging enough that we finally turned to a psychologist
who specializes in kids on the autism spectrum to offer some strategies and
suggestions to us. We met with her last week and have scheduled her for a “home
visit” so she can come meet Matthew and see him interact in his home
environment. Then at a follow up session, she’ll help us make a behavioral plan
with some adjustments to our current routines and some consequences for
behaviors. We are both excited about adding a new person to our “team” who can
help give us some better strategies for supporting Matthew’s good behavior.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So those are the hard things. But there are so many good
things to report too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDJ4-hqEDHCsCjy7KxBztxdwQvaZXTFfserwq2nOy84e66BDMDqFD1a4bX6nTRuloujSHu-x27sOcjKPUVKsY15TNuvoVcBuFn4MGpp9kWitXq8QNHVQhPC1bmfgn5AyzxkHnGuIcbfGuf/s1600/IMG_6886.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDJ4-hqEDHCsCjy7KxBztxdwQvaZXTFfserwq2nOy84e66BDMDqFD1a4bX6nTRuloujSHu-x27sOcjKPUVKsY15TNuvoVcBuFn4MGpp9kWitXq8QNHVQhPC1bmfgn5AyzxkHnGuIcbfGuf/s1600/IMG_6886.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's SO good to be outside together.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First of all, I feel like Matthew’s receptive language has
reached a new level. Even though he doesn’t have very many skills in
communicating with us using words, he’s comprehending SO much of what we say,
reflected in his ability to do what’s been asked of him, to complete a task, to
respond in some way. He’s also putting two and three word signs together to
communicate things that are more and more complex. One of the challenges of a
non-verbal kid is not being able to know what he’s thinking or what he wants.
Words tell us so much about a kiddo. Aaron and I are both getting really good
at inferring what Matthew needs, but sometimes we can’t figure him out. So the
more things he can sign and express to us, the smoother our daily routine and
life seems to be.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Matthew has also become increasingly more social. For a kid
who seemed to live in his own bubble for the first two years of being home with
us, it’s exciting to see him awaken to the world around him. He continually
seeks out members of his immediate family—asking them to play with him, getting
their attention. As I’m sure you can imagine, this is also somewhat exhausting,
especially if I’m the only parent at home with three kids who all need parts of
me. But we try to rejoice in the small miracles even if they wear us out
sometimes. We realize how important these steps forward can be.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxQJJyHwWoehA0qFbzbkpb-2004fVmyTS_Yle9ZiEXCGjgSfJaeUBFKTXOykBe8sXFkdw87if95xDaZQJQan-BLgAlSd2z-pBNaIU5LF_ToRCc_-VlnxRk8XjNZcQCybvYKW5Kf99m6mNA/s1600/IMG_6923.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxQJJyHwWoehA0qFbzbkpb-2004fVmyTS_Yle9ZiEXCGjgSfJaeUBFKTXOykBe8sXFkdw87if95xDaZQJQan-BLgAlSd2z-pBNaIU5LF_ToRCc_-VlnxRk8XjNZcQCybvYKW5Kf99m6mNA/s1600/IMG_6923.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Matthew is quite the hiker!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t exactly know how to say this, but I feel in many ways
like the shock of having a child with developmental delays and special needs
has kind of worn off. It’s no longer keeping me awake at night as I panic about
the future, about all the questions with no answers, about all the extra energy
expend loving this little man in our family. There are still challenges, yes,
and will probably always be. Some of the behavioral issues take a lot of energy
to work through, and I would wish those away in a heartbeat. But the only way
to have Matthew is to have the boy and the challenges. And I love this kiddo
with all my heart, so I’ll take the whole Matthew.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdmTG5b1UqjxKSKfMaEoskAf2gRpp14EFHzeQ8xclhhdsJ9g3kVHAGWeZITc8ujpzE5WDqGFJtG4iRaxFBGJomPlHKEv76uPUH8inuuwISVCZEnRmZUIDb7sCQauM3g-ii2xKqxVpoIwms/s1600/IMG_6936.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdmTG5b1UqjxKSKfMaEoskAf2gRpp14EFHzeQ8xclhhdsJ9g3kVHAGWeZITc8ujpzE5WDqGFJtG4iRaxFBGJomPlHKEv76uPUH8inuuwISVCZEnRmZUIDb7sCQauM3g-ii2xKqxVpoIwms/s1600/IMG_6936.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Watching the SuperBowl together with cousin Hayden.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe one day I’ll be able to tell you Matthew is speaking
in full sentences or has friends who want to play with him or something
momentous like that. But for now I’ll settle for the small miracles—the baby
steps forward—that make me grateful life keeps moving on. I’m letting go of my
fear and embracing this beautiful, complicated, treasured life that we are
living together.<o:p></o:p></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-13951621079260676462015-01-21T11:17:00.003-08:002015-01-21T11:17:42.703-08:00Some Honest Mama Words Lately I feel like I’m hovering somewhere in between
“adoptive family” and “special needs family.” As Matthew’s challenges with
Autism become more pronounced, it seems like so much of our energy is being
spent finding solutions and resources to support parenting him with his current
struggles and behaviors. It’s easy to lose that sense of adoptive family, which
is something I have really delighted in and been so proud of since we began our
journey to adopt Matthew.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember in our training before Matthew coming home that a
social worker with our adoption agency described the point in an adoptive
family’s journey when the family “normalizes” and adoption, rather than being a
big deal and central to the family’s identity, becomes just past of the history
but not the present. She also told us that sometimes it’s just when parents
really settle into a sense of “normal” that an adopted child begins to ask the
big questions about his or her birth and early months. In other words, one
person’s loss and questions subside while another’s begins to increase.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk15-xE33G8eJ8bs9YI5Y_6gu_OOJ_GRXamWiM7ja0w3zeQ69cS81Im1xMoBkZuFkIQGPIwX0t-temgHFwiQBrTnxLmzgRXFvFgSOo7OV6eeP074cxVoB2I0bG1A30gnpxk1tIzwegIWoS/s1600/IMG_6570.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk15-xE33G8eJ8bs9YI5Y_6gu_OOJ_GRXamWiM7ja0w3zeQ69cS81Im1xMoBkZuFkIQGPIwX0t-temgHFwiQBrTnxLmzgRXFvFgSOo7OV6eeP074cxVoB2I0bG1A30gnpxk1tIzwegIWoS/s1600/IMG_6570.jpg" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the realities of Matthew’s current developmental
delays is that he’s not cognitively or emotionally at a place where he’s even
close to asking those questions. I don’t believe he has any sense right now
that he is adopted, which is probably both a blessing and a curse. Who knows.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My ability to really know what his experience is like feels
limited, which makes parenting him hard. There are so many needs to
meet—physical needs, learning and developmental needs, and the emotional needs
that present themselves through day-to-day interactions and routines. I can’t
even begin to imagine addressing the deeper issues related to belonging,
identity, etc. I don’t want to forget about these, as I’m sure that sometime in
Matthew’s journey, they will come up.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But in our “normalizing” of Matthew into our lives, I do
feel a subtle but present transformation from “adoptive family” to “special
needs family.” Our family blog is listed on several cleft lip and palate
websites as a resource to other families currently dealing with cl/cp or
considering it from an adoption standpoint. But I find that Matthew’s issues
related to cl/cp become fewer and fewer as we focus on the challenges that are
currently in front of us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_zOyvdRpiBqFejZDyf0xhPeeU-VgEej6mOGAxl7GcYjRlP7y7m2u1XKa7oXqQ6f_lf6WWIkAL9d_GU-sy_k6FwWQ_ozr97mlXECC06vGdSTUfa4BSd9EuxDIItEZ7pM9uBc_aAE_8mShH/s1600/IMG_6572.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_zOyvdRpiBqFejZDyf0xhPeeU-VgEej6mOGAxl7GcYjRlP7y7m2u1XKa7oXqQ6f_lf6WWIkAL9d_GU-sy_k6FwWQ_ozr97mlXECC06vGdSTUfa4BSd9EuxDIItEZ7pM9uBc_aAE_8mShH/s1600/IMG_6572.jpg" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not sure why I’m rambling on so, except perhaps this is
my way to apologize to those readers who are reading only for the cleft
perspective, and to tell you that I don’t have much to say about it anymore. We’re
in the long waiting stretch—several years from the bone graft and gum surgery,
but already considerably past the lip and palate repair. We do have speech
challenges, which are probably partly resulting from Matthew’s cl/cp, but those
challenges around compounded by Autism, orphanage neglect, and what we now believe
to be apraxia of speech (or some kind of oral motor delay).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you want to talk about speech challenges, ADHD or Autism,
this just might be the place for you. Each day we wake to a developmentally
delayed four-year-old struggling with so many behaviors that are the result of
his diagnoses. There are some ways in which Matthew is developing on track, and
we could list those ways for you. But the identity of Special Needs Family
seems to fit for us right now, and since this is our current reality and our
current struggle, this is what I find myself thinking about regularly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We’re still “Holding On For the Ride” (this blog’s title) at
our house, so nothing has changed, but everything has changed too. This kiddo
came to us through adoption, but it doesn’t really matter HOW he came. What
matters is that he’s our kid—to love and care for, and to advocate for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And like we do with all our children, we are
constantly refining our parenting and our rhythms so that we can help him grow
and help the rest of us live fully and grow too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So please keep swinging by “Hold on For the Ride.” Your
presence and interest means a lot to me. We may not be in the thick of cleft
lip and palate repairs, but I still give you the same pledge I’ve always given:
to write and share with honesty and authenticity. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You won’t get anything less from me, no matter how things
change here at our house.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-18281083014630713762015-01-12T16:01:00.000-08:002015-01-12T16:01:16.961-08:00The Narrow Ridge<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently I was having a conversation with a close friend
about the many challenges we experience parenting Matthew. As I’ve said before
on this blog, most of what is hard about Matthew these days has nothing to do
with his adoption and everything to do with his delays and special needs, which
we are still only beginning to uncover (at least that’s how it feels).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had a lovely Christmas break for the first week, but the
second week, we noticed that Matthew was getting a little discombobulated. I’m
not sure if I have written this before, but after a terrible trial with Ritalin
last October, we switched to Adderall and had great success for a couple months
helping Matthew be more focused and less impulsive. In early December, at a
follow up appointment with our neurodevelopmental pediatrician, she urged us to
move up his dosage of Adderall a small amount, with hopes that he’d have even
more relief from some of his impulsive and hyperactive behavior.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So we did, right before the start of break. Well, the first
week we noticed he was more sleepy and lethargic, but eventually as the meds
seemed to take hold of him more, he started showing signs of aggression,
increased tics, and a return to the level of impulsivity he had formerly seen.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For a few days at least, both Aaron and I thought his
changes in behavior were due mostly to the changes in routine—ie. he wasn’t
going to preschool, and the holidays had changed our family schedule in
significant ways.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, early last week as we returned to the routine, his
behaviors continued to escalate. The hardest thing we’ve been dealing with is
his increased aggression, which is saddening to me and also makes me very
empathetic towards him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Finally late last week I scheduled an urgent care appointment
with our family pediatrician, who agreed with me that something neurological
was going on for Matthew—and so now we are in the midst of shifting his meds,
paying more attention to his environment, and trying to enact some positive
changes so that all the negative behaviors go away and we can once again enjoy
our sweet boy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So back to this conversation I was having with a friend.
Recently I have found a metaphor that is helpful to me in thinking about parenting
Matthew: With our first two kiddos, who grew in my body and were with us from
the moment they arrived in the world, parenting feels like a wide path. At the edges
of each path is a steep decline and rocky ground, but as long as we stay on the
path, we do fine. If we get too far to the side and start falling off the edge,
we have to work hard to correct our direction to get back on the path. But in
general, the path is wide and gracious.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With Matthew, sometimes I feel like we are walking a narrow
ridge—if we keep our feet straight ahead of us, one in front of the other, the
path is straight and we can manage. But one misstep to the left or right, and
we are slipping down a steep, rocky mountainside. And the amount of effort it
takes to get back to the narrow ridge is no small feat sometimes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmePCDG5Z0Yh-4Op2yJo8VqEhhavcxSLwEE7NTn2bpu7WYMSlx0i6e2stHyz3WUC2vCsVuhOe4IhM5e1ZJi_g2PTwhslwJeOLGRoVF3lSRm6zI1kSCNwh5FbbLkJmuOxVcQgDvM-J-h9G8/s1600/IMG_6405.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmePCDG5Z0Yh-4Op2yJo8VqEhhavcxSLwEE7NTn2bpu7WYMSlx0i6e2stHyz3WUC2vCsVuhOe4IhM5e1ZJi_g2PTwhslwJeOLGRoVF3lSRm6zI1kSCNwh5FbbLkJmuOxVcQgDvM-J-h9G8/s1600/IMG_6405.jpg" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
The good news about this metaphor—and its translation into
our real, day-to-day lives, is that it is possible to find a path with Matthew
where we can exist in relative peace and harmony. Every single day (when things
are going well) is not an arduous climb through perilous terrain. But it also
reminds me that when we do slip down from the narrow ridge (often through no
fault of our own), the climb back up is challenging and takes a great deal of
energy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5eGwqZDO3lCuupARwJvxNa54VjvOucvA-ot6vq62c6nHaAjQk9WJiFhbVz4aMiYKBWgM3A1Ukk5mK6-Tl1j7dNJ3RscQadmvOUJhS2H0KIJAMyn6r19fRB4eTfQGY2w-i7k9hUE7V9_9V/s1600/IMG_6406.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5eGwqZDO3lCuupARwJvxNa54VjvOucvA-ot6vq62c6nHaAjQk9WJiFhbVz4aMiYKBWgM3A1Ukk5mK6-Tl1j7dNJ3RscQadmvOUJhS2H0KIJAMyn6r19fRB4eTfQGY2w-i7k9hUE7V9_9V/s1600/IMG_6406.jpg" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are a praying person, we would greatly appreciate
your prayers in this season. Things are a little bit better with Matthew than
they were last week, but he’s still showing a lot of aggression and impulsivity—so
much that his teachers and others who care for him each day are sharing with us
about it. We are grateful for the many folks in our community and family who help
care for our boy. He’s lovely and wonderful, but right now he’s also
exhausting.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I’m pretty sure life is a little exhausting for him
right now too as he’s trying to navigate a body that doesn’t always cooperate and
try to live in a world where he has very little skills in communication. Poor
guy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirI-xMhHTJetEuapGMtohBfpG3HsJTW9McwCmcKBnuVGH3S93dHgtuF9G6vnDnFLdx54KWtmuDSeVr6edq5JCqlMLFzEZDjkrqm0qSdf7r3nmn-BJuJp-9S1Zm2vJxnYNsHA1L1o3N2HVG/s1600/IMG_7946.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirI-xMhHTJetEuapGMtohBfpG3HsJTW9McwCmcKBnuVGH3S93dHgtuF9G6vnDnFLdx54KWtmuDSeVr6edq5JCqlMLFzEZDjkrqm0qSdf7r3nmn-BJuJp-9S1Zm2vJxnYNsHA1L1o3N2HVG/s1600/IMG_7946.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
But we carry on, knowing that parenting this little human
being is part of our calling and purpose in life, and that although we take two
steps forward and then one backward, those forward steps are SO important in
helping Matthew learn, grow, and move toward adulthood.<o:p></o:p></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-46779374787802021792014-11-29T19:29:00.005-08:002014-11-29T19:29:47.365-08:00Parenting a Non-Verbal Child<div class="MsoNormal">
On the heels of a wonderful birthday for Matthew yesterday,
I should be glowing. But then again today it was back to real life, and the day
ended with Matthew having a melt down and being put to bed by his dad. Real
life at our house for sure.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the challenges of parenting a mostly non-verbal child
like Matthew is that both Aaron and I have to work very hard to simply discern
what our boy needs. I realize that this isn’t much different from what most
parents deal with, but Matthew has been home over 2 ½ years how, and things
haven’t gotten much better. In fact, in many ways they’ve gotten worse. And we can’t
rely on the typical development of a healthy child in terms of how many more
months it might be hard. That’s part of parenting a child with very unknown
special needs.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig-hXEapViQTBYC6vTXerW1v4dkTqZEVeRiK-Zsv318eXlDa8EZXLb-QdkqPNBxea087p95bUMHvgad1DZFcozmTRbigreLy_swcsssLuNX3cLjQ-UPd7srYXFH5V3radjOb7QKcIIFhlE/s1600/IMG_6241.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig-hXEapViQTBYC6vTXerW1v4dkTqZEVeRiK-Zsv318eXlDa8EZXLb-QdkqPNBxea087p95bUMHvgad1DZFcozmTRbigreLy_swcsssLuNX3cLjQ-UPd7srYXFH5V3radjOb7QKcIIFhlE/s1600/IMG_6241.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tonight I gave Matthew a bath and then asked his big sister to
keep watch over him so I could go upstairs and get his room cleaned up and his pajamas
ready for him. Under his sister’s watch, Matthew pooped in the bathtub. My
husband rushed in and cleaned everything up, and then I stepped in to finish
bath time. For some reason, Matthew was VERY upset when I took him out of the
bath. Reflecting back, I think he was frustrated at my quick pace, as he loves
to watch all the water go down the drain. Bu the doesn’t have words to tell me
that, so I took him out and started drying him off, and he became inconsolably frustrated—tears,
swipes towards my face, and loud wailing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I tried to calm him down and get him in his pajamas, but he
continued his crying and batting his hand toward my face . . . so I put him
down, thinking he needed me space from me, but he started to cry even harder
and grabbed me to pick him up. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank goodness for Aaron, who stepped in kindly and took
Matthew. I was planning to read him one of his new birthday books, but when I
reached to take him again, he shoved me away and clung to Aaron. I guess that
was as clear of a message as any. At that point I was in tears—probably not
doing my finest parenting, clearly—and so I let Aaron take him up and put him
to bed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Later, once I know he’s fast asleep, I’ll creep up to the
attic and lay my body beside his. I’ll<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>cover him with kisses and smell his Matthew smell, and by morning
everything will be better.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But it’s frustrating for a mama sometimes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There’s so much we learn about people when they can tell us
what they need. Clearly Matthew needed something specific tonight, even though he
was tired and grumpy, but had I done a better job of being in tune to his needs
I truly believe the end to his evening would have been better than it was.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t want to misrepresent life with Matthew—it isn’t
always this hard. But sometimes it is, and no matter how hard we try, no matter
how much heart and love and sensitivity we put into our parenting, it ends in
tears and shambles. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXCL8JQisPXnhE1Tongwz32qZV32pfQwx6q3omzOy5RlKVPMNW7lUwGOBVhySTZmqiE9wFEbEZNuWZstvSVsJWG6INi29btQoNCoqSLNE0ZJE-KwUDQ2Q7GeyuPdLp75Px3_r-ggi_A8Xs/s1600/IMG_6256.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXCL8JQisPXnhE1Tongwz32qZV32pfQwx6q3omzOy5RlKVPMNW7lUwGOBVhySTZmqiE9wFEbEZNuWZstvSVsJWG6INi29btQoNCoqSLNE0ZJE-KwUDQ2Q7GeyuPdLp75Px3_r-ggi_A8Xs/s1600/IMG_6256.jpg" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One thing I will say for my boy: by tomorrow he’ll have
forgotten about tonight and be back to his normal self, and he’ll likely LIKE
his mama again. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can only hope for
that, and be grateful for it when it happens.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
But tonight as I sit here on the couch in a quiet living
room, reflecting on this evening’s events, I also feel poignantly the extra
challenge that we feel parenting a child who is not verbal—and I worry that he
may never talk in a way that will express all that he’s feeling, all the while
holding tenderly a hope that he will.<o:p></o:p></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-78600119321277717462014-11-28T10:05:00.005-08:002014-11-28T10:05:57.529-08:00Happy Fourth Birthday Matthew<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
Glinda:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>I've heard it said,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>That people come into our lives<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>For a reason<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>Bringing something we must learn.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>And we are led to those<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>Who help us most to grow if we let them.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>And we help them in return.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>Who can say if I've been changed for the
better<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>But because I knew you.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>I have been changed for good.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Elphaba:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>So much of me<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>Is made of what I learned from you.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>You'll be with me<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>Like a handprint on my heart.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>And now whatever way our stories end<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><i>I know you'll have rewritten mine<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I woke up this morning thinking about the
song <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQJaZO2nfGg" target="_blank">“For Good” </a>from the Broadway musical <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wicked.</i>
After a long, rather complicated friendship, the two main characters, Elphaba
(the wicked witch) and Glinda (the “good” witch) sing this song as they part.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">These words often ring throughout my head
in this season of loving and caring for Matthew.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhPNW9TSbnFjLmEwPe0iXq7_rcbeo_FBTL6XrcnFASJMsOu9AvAjAvoyz6LmXjK1k05GIybkV7e8SNVcA35gdrEHpsi-q48WRnUFdi1wRv7wRLnMIHATLJl8_4FUMH3_VgRqo2wd3je_9M/s1600/IMG_5614.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhPNW9TSbnFjLmEwPe0iXq7_rcbeo_FBTL6XrcnFASJMsOu9AvAjAvoyz6LmXjK1k05GIybkV7e8SNVcA35gdrEHpsi-q48WRnUFdi1wRv7wRLnMIHATLJl8_4FUMH3_VgRqo2wd3je_9M/s1600/IMG_5614.jpg" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Today Matthew is four years old. Three
years ago tonight we received the call from our social worker “matching” us to
this little boy, Xu Bo, in southern China. It was his first birthday. We drove
home from dinner, lit a candle, and sang happy birthday to a little boy halfway
across the world. At that point we weren’t even sure that we were definitely
saying YES to his referral, but we all decided that no matter if he was our boy
or not, we could show our love for this little person by celebrating his
birthday with him. Of course he DID become our boy, and I’ve always been
grateful for that night—for that act of trust and love. Because now I can tell
him that we celebrated every one of his birthdays with him (except, of course,
for his very first “birth” day). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">As the years go on (and it’s been three
of them—kind of hard to believe), that first birthday seems a long time ago.
The road has been winding since then, and as you know, it hasn’t always been
easy. But this morning when I woke up singing “For Good,” a line from that song
brought tears to my eyes: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">“And we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">This little, amazing four-year old boy in
our house has grown so much since he came home to our family. But I think we
all have grown as much as he has. Matthew has taught us about letting go—about
loving someone despite their challenges—about celebrating the small milestones,
about not measuring each other by the “norms” or “standards” but by celebrating
each person’s growth where they are. We’ve learned patience, kindness, and most
of all, we’ve learned to let go and trust—in God, in our own abilities, in our
community, and in Matthew.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><b>These things have changed us for good.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Happy Birthday wonderful Matthew Oscar
Xu-Bo Russell. I am grateful for the “handprint on my heart” that you’ve left,
as Elphaba sings in her song, and also for the way you have re-written our
story to make it this beautiful, colorful, tightly woven journey of love and
grace and joy.</span><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-67945488859902819822014-10-23T15:25:00.003-07:002014-10-23T15:27:44.808-07:00In the middle of the story<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been reading some China forums lately with posts from
families who have kids with developmental delays. It’s been a discouraging week
and a half at our house since we tried a very low dose of Ritalin for Matthew
and had to deal with some very unpleasant side effects. It seems that as it
stimulated Matthew’s brain, it also enhanced some of his neurological
challenges (like head hitting and tics), which were frustrating and hard. And
he was generally fussy and unhappy, even to the point of tantrums, undoing the balance and rhythm at our house
which we work so hard to create.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjscWTfvgUDmJsRcoHF83XDPBfY3nrHEgQlNO7DrV2j6Q6KgUOhPNNvDiob9wFI6OpI4bTg_gyPSEC9S0e3kj4Y8oUHwfeB9sDw1epdn8OQoZxwOe7VSLKGIVo5Uf33IRc-CdnO31PDAGjA/s1600/IMG_5354.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjscWTfvgUDmJsRcoHF83XDPBfY3nrHEgQlNO7DrV2j6Q6KgUOhPNNvDiob9wFI6OpI4bTg_gyPSEC9S0e3kj4Y8oUHwfeB9sDw1epdn8OQoZxwOe7VSLKGIVo5Uf33IRc-CdnO31PDAGjA/s1600/IMG_5354.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
So it felt like soothing balm to this mama today to read
from some other families who parent kids with special needs. It turns out that
even during the season when parents were bringing home non-special needs kids
from China (mostly 2010 and before), many of the children who came home had
developmental delays because of neglectful orphanage environments.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJnpJtTIEaXqxfbkAttni2cd1ZMQopa12JhvSvbS6O65tQYEHJf_Fg6R8gnIOfFIOMJNOKclQrPZALyOrmJZtugQvjsomKnpTjjx-tnLjUQ9H4_jLCbN-Zk2t71L9ga-CYA8bSmdWuuGnK/s1600/IMG_5404.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJnpJtTIEaXqxfbkAttni2cd1ZMQopa12JhvSvbS6O65tQYEHJf_Fg6R8gnIOfFIOMJNOKclQrPZALyOrmJZtugQvjsomKnpTjjx-tnLjUQ9H4_jLCbN-Zk2t71L9ga-CYA8bSmdWuuGnK/s1600/IMG_5404.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t know why, but for some reason reading these posts
helped me re-frame our family situation. There are still moments (sometimes
more like hours) when I still carry around a lot of anger and grief about the fact
that Matthew has as many challenges as he does. I’m haunted, a bit, by the
naive expectations I had about bringing home a special needs child from China. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But at the same time, I wasn’t lying to myself with the expectation that our kid would come home and catch up—this is what
so many other families had experienced. I talked with many China adoption
parents before our adoption (in part thanks to our adoption agency who
willingly referred me to other adoptive parents) and the stories I heard,
without fail, were ones of success and a positive transition.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But obviously those aren’t the only stories out there, as
evidenced by the dozens of posts I read today on the China Talk developmental
delay forum. It just wasn’t what we were expecting.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbnouZUHNyURU_O3P2JdMf6Ppzl8Deff1TaL936t8fV78VVGkoyn0NMvfAOjK7GF3jwi68r2dxTNj_sYOdN5mt5oPrU7n2PI1FlyfdwC-j0yDQOAcTSE6Bfja_FkK-tr8VGKAdS_-fx-IW/s1600/IMG_5514.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbnouZUHNyURU_O3P2JdMf6Ppzl8Deff1TaL936t8fV78VVGkoyn0NMvfAOjK7GF3jwi68r2dxTNj_sYOdN5mt5oPrU7n2PI1FlyfdwC-j0yDQOAcTSE6Bfja_FkK-tr8VGKAdS_-fx-IW/s1600/IMG_5514.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes I wonder how differently my life would feel now if
Aaron and I had decided with PURPOSE to adopt a child with developmental
delays—if we’d have a different perspective had we chosen the special need we
got.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had done so much reading and
research on cleft lip and palate—and honestly I feel like I have that special
need down pat. It’s traumatic during surgery, and it requires a lot of catching
up with language and feeding, but it feels manageable. This other thing—this
vague developmental delay diagnosis—is not so manageable some days. There’s no
trajectory that’s clearly laid out for getting from one day to the next. It’s
all just trial and error—like our “trial” with Ritalin last week that proved
rather disastrous for us all.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJn7c3LfYTW9ynPCjDrahPrI7Iegm8uvz1AKodZxIdvctPkjfSWBgL7sQHnGyXJ26hzI7Fpld39xoBjcpGFr3rsZrBoD8YwMbXHqg039GkpaMTOA7xl2f7M9CZTlpKOmTF4BMz2NQjU5jb/s1600/IMG_5588.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJn7c3LfYTW9ynPCjDrahPrI7Iegm8uvz1AKodZxIdvctPkjfSWBgL7sQHnGyXJ26hzI7Fpld39xoBjcpGFr3rsZrBoD8YwMbXHqg039GkpaMTOA7xl2f7M9CZTlpKOmTF4BMz2NQjU5jb/s1600/IMG_5588.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While I was reading the China Talk forum today, however, it
dawned on me that several of the parents who posted were describing their
children who are now 10 or 12 or 15. Our family can’t even begin to imagine or
know where we’ll land because we’re still in the middle of the story. We’re not
even 2 ½ years in, and we’re still unraveling all of Matthew’s threads, trying
to discern what he needs and how to best support him. It’s exhausting some
days—I won’t life—but it’s also really fulfilling and gives our life the kind
of extreme purpose that turns out to be a blessing in the end.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last night during a walk in the pouring rain, I had a lovely
conversation with one of my favorite fellow adoptive mamas. She’s the one I
call when my heart is so, so discouraged—and she calls me when she’s in that
place too. We’ve vowed to be brutally honest with one another—when it’s good
and when it’s very hard. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvQSAl-0a6zkdZKj62xthhtOc1miOe5_KMXeywM-9lL5pP00z-STedjylJ648tdBbNcT-1kX-rGIIHQyYjojWzz_Bf07a-wH9hZV2plG3jKgrQGebn4bG0ytDZsCEXQeCxGyZbtKo60fDd/s1600/IMG_5589.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvQSAl-0a6zkdZKj62xthhtOc1miOe5_KMXeywM-9lL5pP00z-STedjylJ648tdBbNcT-1kX-rGIIHQyYjojWzz_Bf07a-wH9hZV2plG3jKgrQGebn4bG0ytDZsCEXQeCxGyZbtKo60fDd/s1600/IMG_5589.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After several minutes of me venting into the phone and her
patiently listening, we landed back (together) on the conversation of why
parenting a challenging adoptive child is hard but why it’s also amazing and
good and purposeful. And then she said, “You know, I’m pretty sure when we look
back on our lives, this parenting we’re doing will be one of the most important
things we did. It will be one of the biggest blessings.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think she’s right.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Being in the trenches all day with a child who has
developmental delays certainly isn’t easy. Maybe from the outside our lives
look like they are sweet and lovely and put together, and they are some days—but they are also
exhausting, frustrating and discouraging. I won’t lie—it’s a different kind of
life than I expected for myself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsjjv7WjdRSFgDEhAvs3hhyNQuqJIpO5ZJFdhvFpDdrBuEdgHnHT0CCrRXKJE1zYO1ugqtfuUvd-9SEqsonhk5StMtOV1ihSHPSNRztaY1uxfTOtajp0xUaMsSh16wHYU4JmZzYz_aDPfL/s1600/IMG_5610.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsjjv7WjdRSFgDEhAvs3hhyNQuqJIpO5ZJFdhvFpDdrBuEdgHnHT0CCrRXKJE1zYO1ugqtfuUvd-9SEqsonhk5StMtOV1ihSHPSNRztaY1uxfTOtajp0xUaMsSh16wHYU4JmZzYz_aDPfL/s1600/IMG_5610.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But we’re still in the middle of the story right now.
There’s no telling what the ending will be like—who will be the hero, who will
rise, where this will all end. And in this season, I’m glad that’s the case. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because just as I do when I read a gripping novel, these days I’m still cheering
for the underdog—in this case, Matthew. I’m still holding out hope that a happy
ending exists—that he’ll win the day—that he’ll stand on his own two feet at
the end of this growing journey and live a life that’s fulfilling to him.<br />
<br />
No matter what, I’ll forever be Matthew’s mama, standing
proudly by his side, having born witness to each step of the journey, when the ending
finally comes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-75281890095058084952014-10-08T18:02:00.000-07:002014-10-08T18:02:20.668-07:00A Non-Verbal Boy<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the hardest parts about parenting a child who doesn’t
talk (yet) is that I know there are parts of Matthew we can’t fully know
without language.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In some ways it’s been a long 2 ½ (almost!) years of him
being home and trying to relate to him without language and with very little communication
overall. I do love him very much, but it does feel like there are fewer rewards
to the relationship when there isn’t the back and forth communication I’ve come
to know and love with my big kids.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnw7AYh4BmQ2k1Uam0Qy8YZElonRMNRUrUIZ3k2Ki5ekpDlFZA8eaSkO0r-xA8_AxjF0jJLJ-8HyiBezIQEtg3DkMdEyquKlF6F5yBV99HwmWNG5z6XHY-kKNAonNxxcVrZXhS7wCN-1ay/s1600/photo+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnw7AYh4BmQ2k1Uam0Qy8YZElonRMNRUrUIZ3k2Ki5ekpDlFZA8eaSkO0r-xA8_AxjF0jJLJ-8HyiBezIQEtg3DkMdEyquKlF6F5yBV99HwmWNG5z6XHY-kKNAonNxxcVrZXhS7wCN-1ay/s1600/photo+1.JPG" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently I spent some time reading through the journals I
kept during my pregnancies and early years with both Maya and Sam. Once my
babies were born, I tried hard to write every week about what they were doing.
This included what they were saying.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I paged through Sam’s journal, I was astounded by the number
of words he could say by the time he was a year old. He could communicate so
many things to me with his vocabulary. Even at the time I knew that much of my
babies’ communication was nonverbal—and I do share that kind of communication
with Matthew.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVXvZHDbh-nbLuRehyGZakmv0Ka4WOT3j8PRZzrDifVH79OiCWuXH9psSrP0xr0mxmvsw5uI5PJRcCnuLAkk4QNrbnQJNtAkKP8B-OCDKlmC02YYeIRQIYMSQlK6nDDjCWIWX3xABSZO06/s1600/photo+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVXvZHDbh-nbLuRehyGZakmv0Ka4WOT3j8PRZzrDifVH79OiCWuXH9psSrP0xr0mxmvsw5uI5PJRcCnuLAkk4QNrbnQJNtAkKP8B-OCDKlmC02YYeIRQIYMSQlK6nDDjCWIWX3xABSZO06/s1600/photo+2.JPG" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But how much more enriching it is these days as Matthew is
starting to “talk” more in a back and forth rhythm with me. Now, much of what
he says is in sign language—coupled with the few words he knows—and I can tell
he’s dying to say words with his mouth too. He mimics almost anything I try to
have him say, but there are several consonant sounds he just CAN’T get his
mouth to say. I LOVE that he’s trying, though.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And since he’s using more signs and combining signs and
words (sometimes up to 3 signs in a row!) the complexity of ideas he’s able to
communicate is so beautiful to me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel a new sense of calm being with him that I didn’t feel
before. There’s something about knowing him, about trusting that I can
understand what he needs and communicate back to him that is calming and
reassuring to me. And with this new sense of calm, I also realized how many
months I spent feeling anxious about the lack of communication with Matthew.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic2L9dGJx0VaaFXOjxs3kqiFS_O_svmiRKDC7ST90h6YynC30hozTFg4bOVkB6j9Tl41Ww_Hnzr2xLSZgBZPsxnjgPOx7c1HHnrejUtgw9xCJlgZsNoG0qfIU18WU6ouakHrY_j0z_fRXF/s1600/photo+3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic2L9dGJx0VaaFXOjxs3kqiFS_O_svmiRKDC7ST90h6YynC30hozTFg4bOVkB6j9Tl41Ww_Hnzr2xLSZgBZPsxnjgPOx7c1HHnrejUtgw9xCJlgZsNoG0qfIU18WU6ouakHrY_j0z_fRXF/s1600/photo+3.JPG" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Matthew is far from catching up. He’s now on the autism
spectrum and has been diagnosed with ADHD (we hope to start him on some meds
next week if all goes well). He’s still somewhat non-verbal and might have
apraxia of speech. But he’s a learner and a fighter—he’s persistent and loving—and
he’s now a fixture in our family. He’s our normal. It’s good.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWjl9w-UCYbLqGATftOCQo1tgyZaC3GzEHNaATrlEIoLIWg8QT388HB0tgDdhwf1E3mG5I983C3ktjkuYzaV33oS6XoAiD_H4jkqVnKb_8hAwCML4hl00vZRYLCGLM2BHcwddDNmKEUWzy/s1600/photo+4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWjl9w-UCYbLqGATftOCQo1tgyZaC3GzEHNaATrlEIoLIWg8QT388HB0tgDdhwf1E3mG5I983C3ktjkuYzaV33oS6XoAiD_H4jkqVnKb_8hAwCML4hl00vZRYLCGLM2BHcwddDNmKEUWzy/s1600/photo+4.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And almost every single day I have an encounter with a
situation that reminds me Matthew is MEANT to be part of our family. Whether it’s
the layout of our house (with Matthew’s “domain” in the attic, safely tucked
away above our bedroom) or the love and support of his extremely verbal and
intelligent big siblings who advocate for him, teach him, and care for him, or
the amazing preschool program he’s in now, or the skilled speech therapist who
teaches me something new every single visit, or just the renewed energy and
courage each day to parent this amazing human being because I get to be part of
all the ways he’s growing and changing—I get to witness it first hand—I’m giddily
in love with my boy and so grateful that he’s part of our family.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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I wouldn’t change it for anything. Truly.<o:p></o:p></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-783508644628628353.post-46316326842568464332014-10-02T20:49:00.002-07:002014-10-02T20:49:17.170-07:00Our Amazing Guy <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHWSR3wLsYDaeHkuBVuLTY_rJTRn3S-N0vVTlWVix30M4Us4cONQ6eeAZdxBq96rCJGjB5bEnbHsHLYEbza7en2FdgfKl8H8b0o0A1rp_L9CFN95GprGppFBInt16CKMR_krNoFVrK4H19/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHWSR3wLsYDaeHkuBVuLTY_rJTRn3S-N0vVTlWVix30M4Us4cONQ6eeAZdxBq96rCJGjB5bEnbHsHLYEbza7en2FdgfKl8H8b0o0A1rp_L9CFN95GprGppFBInt16CKMR_krNoFVrK4H19/s1600/photo.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
We’re seeing a new speech therapist these days—a woman who
specializes in oral motor therapy and also with kids adopted from Chinese
orphanages who have cleft lip and palate. Kind of a perfect fit for Matthew,
right!<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She has been encouraging us to stop worrying about Matthew
“talking” and start focusing on developing communication instead. We are full
bore into sign language around our house, and it’s working! Matthew has a huge
vocabulary of signs that he uses regularly to communicate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s a list: More, All Done, Milk, Water, Yogurt, Open,
Close, Swing, Slide, Tricycle, T.V., Eat, Car, Truck, Fire Truck, Horse, Cow,
Dog, Boat, Ball, Book, Outside, Light, Tree, No, Yes, Diaper, Sorry, Help,
Please, Thank You, Music, Hurts, Up and Down.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just today, he surprised me with two new things: First of
all he signed diaper and pointed at his bottom, telling me he wanted his diaper
changed (it was poopy!). His awareness of his body is a new milestone and very
exciting—I was just telling Aaron the other day that I was thinking it might be
time to start early potty training.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He also is starting to take my hands and move them into
signs as an additional way t communicate—like when he asks for “cars” on “T.V.”
and I say “no” . . . and then he grabs my hands and tries again! Just like a
kid, asking over and over again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are also enjoying Matthew’s newly acquired receptive
language. About a week ago when we were at a friend’s house, I asked him to go
inside and get his backpack and bring it to me. He went in the house and
reappeared a few seconds later with his backpack in tow. We continue to use
words at every opportunity with Matthew, especially during routines to
establish patterns. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Matthew is also learning to sign the alphabet—there are a
few letters he knows on his own, and he can sign all 26 letters with Aaron or
me when we do it together. I feel like sign language is going to open up a
world of communication for him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Anyhow—at our house right now we are grateful for sign
language—for the ways it opens doors for Matthew and all that he can learn
because of it, even though he’s not talking with spoken words.<o:p></o:p></div>
Annemariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00925401776871859902noreply@blogger.com0